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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastor Stocks up for Communion

December 19, 2025

LEAMINGTON, ON Pastor Pete noticed the church was running low on Welch’s this week and decided to take the truck over to the superstore for some non-alcoholic communion juice. “I’m also stocking up in Ritz […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Be a Performative Mennonite Male in 5 Easy Steps

December 18, 2025

If you want to attract a Mennonite woman, say at CMU or SBC or CBC or Goshen College or FPU, etc. there are just a few things you’re going to need.

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Pastor Baptizes Hundreds of Total Strangers at Local Waterslide
    June 7, 2017
  • Local Congregation Installs Gender Neutral Church Pews
    July 12, 2016
  • Pastor’s Wife Offers Makeup Lessons
    November 19, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Man Unleashes String of Profanity After Being Served Roll Kuchen Without Corn Syrup
    August 16, 2016
  • Schmaunt Fat Prices Soar to Record Highs
    June 20, 2017
  • Winnipeggers Vote for their Favourites During Annual “Le Roll Kuchen Week”
    September 2, 2023

Unger the Influence

  • White House Reassures Mennonites New Ballroom Won’t Be Used for Dancing
    November 3, 2025
  • Danielle Smith Adds Canadian Constitution to Alberta’s Banned Books List
    October 29, 2025
  • White House Ends Trade Talks with Canada Over Alex P. Keaton Commercial
    October 24, 2025

The Daily Bonnet

  • Caravan of Mennonites Heading for U.S. Border
    November 5, 2018
  • Welcome to Steinbach, Parade Capital of Canada
    July 29, 2016
  • Mennonite Man Wins Award for ‘Most Submissive Wife’
    January 14, 2017
  • Local Library Censors ‘Dyck Picture Book’
    January 22, 2021

Trending

  • Kirk Cameron Reaffirms Belief in ‘Eternal Conscious Torment’ After Sitting Through One of His Own Movies
    December 11, 2025
  • Goertzen to Spend Retirement Years Playing High Stakes Competitive Crokinole
    December 10, 2025
  • FIFA Peace Prize Discovered at Local Thrift Store
    December 7, 2025
  • Trump Wins Inaugural Nobel Prize for Soccer
    December 6, 2025

Unger Suspicion

  • Nation Shocked as Canadian NHL Team Wins Playoff Series Without Rioting
    April 22, 2018
  • Manitoba Health Data to Be Reported Using Flannelgraph Boards
    March 31, 2022
  • Family in Totally Perfect Photo Actually Really Messed Up
    February 21, 2019
  • Edmonton Elks to Face the Calgary Grammar Police in Season Opener
    June 13, 2021
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Carney Called Out for Utilizing ‘Plaudietsch’ Spelling

December 17, 2025

All Steinbach Restaurants to Serve Nothing but Pizza from Now On

December 16, 2025

Liberals Just One Mennonite MP Away from Majority Government

December 15, 2025

Untimely Victory Throws Jets Off Pace of Being Just as Pathetic as Vancouver by Christmas

December 14, 2025

Foreign Visitors Scramble to Erase ‘Unger Review’ from Phone Before Entering the US

December 12, 2025

Unger Games

  • Untimely Victory Throws Jets Off Pace of Being Just as Pathetic as Vancouver by Christmas
    December 14, 2025
  • Trump Wins Inaugural Nobel Prize for Soccer
    December 6, 2025
  • Winnipeg Jets Plan to Lose Every Game Until Hellebuyck Comes Back
    November 30, 2025
  • McGill Cuts Beloved Crokinole Team
    November 28, 2025
  • Local Dad Gets Full Time Job Carting His Kids Around to Sports
    November 25, 2025

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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