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Unger & Thirst

Innovative New Packaging Only Openable with Teeth

September 17, 2025

TORONTO, ON The resigned packaging for a popular brand of throat lozenges features new “easy to open packaging” that cannot be opened without your teeth. “We’ve specially designed this package to be shred open with […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC

September 16, 2025

MORDEN, MB Area woman Lois Buhler, 51, was utterly amazed by the selection of top shelf Italian, French, and Spanish wine at her local LC this week. “Wow, the ladies around here cook with the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Three Mennonites Hospitalized After Brutal Drive-By Shunning
    December 7, 2016
  • Hundreds of Mennonites Show Up at Church on Onewheels
    August 15, 2020
  • Elon Musk Buys Mennonite Church, Appoints Himself Pastor
    November 2, 2022

Unger & Thirst

  • “But I Didn’t Inhale”: Mennonite Politician Confesses to Consuming Borscht
    February 11, 2019
  • Mennonites Gather at Relief Sale to Get their Hands on Fresh Tea Balls
    May 28, 2022
  • Mourners Devastated After Mennonite Funeral Runs Short on Raisin Buns
    September 5, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • Alberta Introduces New “School-Appropriate” Bibles Without ‘Song of Solomon’
    July 11, 2025
  • TSA Will No Longer Require Mennonites to Remove Socks and Sandals
    July 10, 2025
  • Epstein Files Discovered at Local Thrift Store
    July 9, 2025

The Daily Bonnet

  • What if Alexa was Mennonite?
    April 4, 2018
  • Group Proposes to Move Steinbach’s Summer Festival to the Very Coldest Day of the Year
    June 18, 2016
  • New Law Mandates 6:30 Bedtime for Mennonites
    January 16, 2017
  • All the Jokes in Plautdietsch Bible are Lost in Translation
    July 17, 2016

Trending

  • An Artificial Intelligence Guide to Pronouncing Common Mennonite Surnames
    September 9, 2025
  • Encounter with Radiohead Song Sends Swiftie into Existential Crisis
    September 7, 2025
  • Man Stands Up During Q&A to Tell His Entire Life Story
    September 6, 2025
  • Rudy Wiebe Novel Shockingly Left Off Edmonton Banned Books List
    September 5, 2025

Unger Suspicion

  • 2016 Takes Yet Another Celebrity Grandma’s Never Heard Of
    December 29, 2016
  • School Children in Waterloo, Ontario Required to Sing ABBA Song Every Morning
    October 22, 2019
  • Gangs of Nudists Swarm Winkler
    September 5, 2017
  • Churchill Polar Bears to Be Relocated to Southern Manitoba
    January 31, 2017
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Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week

September 15, 2025

Carney Enlists the Amish to Address Canada’s Housing Crisis

September 14, 2025

Sticky Tack Holds Poster to Wall for Record 5 Minutes

September 12, 2025

Area Person Has Opinion About Issue

September 11, 2025

Frost Warning Issued for Friesen and Froese

September 9, 2025

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Woman to Participate in “Labour Day Classic”
    August 29, 2025
  • Outfield Completely Blanketed in Knackzoat After Winkler Man Makes Major Leagues
    August 10, 2025
  • Stanley Cup Playoffs to be Extended Well into July Next Year
    June 30, 2025
  • Portage and Main Pedestrians Fuel Rumours Jets Won the Cup
    June 28, 2025
  • Steinbacher Shocked at Lack of Honda Civics in New F1 Movie
    June 25, 2025

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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