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Unger the Influence

Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids

October 10, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after announcing they’d be bringing back public executions, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth introduced a snazzy new video game to share the experience with kids. “The kids just love video games,” […]

Unger Suspicion

FIFA Awards Donald Trump Nobel Prize for Literature

October 8, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after Canadian poet Anne Carson was announced as the winner of the 2026 Nobel Prize for Literature, a furious Donald Trump took to social media to announce his displeasure. “They’re out to […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church New Year’s Eve Party Over By 8 PM
    December 31, 2017
  • Retailers Quick to Cash In as Foot Washing Becomes Latest Gen Z Trend
    February 17, 2024
  • Mennonite Church Seeks to End Drinking or Driving
    August 18, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonites Rank Among the World’s Best Spitters
    April 4, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Accidentally Consumes a Vegetable
    June 12, 2017
  • Everyone’s Grandma is the Very Best Cook in the Entire World
    August 30, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • Prince Edward Island Becomes Accidental Target of White House Anti-DEI Campaign
    July 28, 2026
  • Vandals Caddyshack the Reflecting Pool
    June 26, 2026
  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Your 2019-2020 Mennonite School Supply List
    September 2, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Throws Caution to the Wind, Puts Fine China in Dishwasher
    February 26, 2019
  • People Keep Assuming Kansas Friesens are Secretly Canadian
    February 10, 2020
  • Rhubarb Discovered on Mennonite Woman’s Vereniki
    August 3, 2026

Trending

  • AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About
    September 27, 2026
  • Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan
    September 26, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”
    September 22, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Winnipeg to Install Massive New “Gateway Arch” to Compete with St. Louis
    March 16, 2024
  • Local Paper Candidate Asking for Your Vote on Monday
    October 20, 2019
  • Granola Shortage Creates Panic in Wolseley
    March 20, 2019
  • Sump Pump Awarded Order of Manitoba
    May 5, 2022
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Massive E-Scooter Outbreak Strikes Southern Manitoba

October 7, 2026

British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For

October 6, 2026

Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season

October 5, 2026

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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