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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Gift Entire Province with Smell of Money

September 9, 2026

BLUMENORT, MB Mr. Penner has been hitting the fields in earnest this week spreading the smell of money all across the RM of Hanover and beyond. “I got half my field spread with the smell […]

Unger Suspicion

New UN Map Finally Shows Paraguay At Its Actual Size

September 8, 2026

ASCUNCION, PARAGUAY Hans Toews of Fernheim Colony, Paraguay was super excited this week after he learned that his country was finally going to be accurately represented on UN maps. “Not only that,” said Toews. “But […]

Unger Conviction

  • Area Church Votes to Become Gossip-Affirming
    July 28, 2016
  • Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely
    November 27, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Accused of Flipping Off the Pastor
    November 9, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Creates Her Own Rhubarb-Flavoured Bubly
    May 24, 2024
  • McDonalds Takes McRib Off the Menu Just Long Enough for People to Forget How Terrible It Is
    March 6, 2024
  • Béchamel Sauce Revealed to be Nothing More than Schmaunt Fat
    April 21, 2023

Unger the Influence

  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026
  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Drills Ice-Fishing Hole in Kitchen Floor
    February 8, 2019
  • Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles
    October 18, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’
    April 27, 2026
  • Mennonites Flock to Reopened MCC Store to Buy Bigger Pants
    June 12, 2020

Trending

  • Winkler Attempts to Rename Morden
    August 29, 2026
  • Mennonite Child Suspended for Speaking Low German at Recess
    August 28, 2026
  • Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants
    August 27, 2026
  • Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario
    August 26, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Kitchener-Waterloo to Be Renamed Waterloo-Kitchener
    March 7, 2017
  • Perfumer Releases New ‘Urine and Weed’ Scent in Tribute to New York City
    October 15, 2024
  • Man Stands Up During Q&A to Tell His Entire Life Story
    September 6, 2025
  • Trudeau Grows Authentic Menno Beard
    January 18, 2020
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Prime Minister, Bryan Adams Share Roll Kuchen in Altona

September 5, 2026

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi

September 3, 2026

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026

Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights

September 1, 2026

Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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