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Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

GOSHEN, IN More than a dozen Mennonite women were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen. “We were alerted to the problem […]

Unger Conviction

  • Bible College Sells Record Number of Engagement Rings on Student Orientation Day
    August 28, 2024
  • Mennonite Woman Accidentally Reads Men’s Study Bible
    September 24, 2022
  • Mennonites Form Committee to Change Lightbulb
    January 29, 2025

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup
    August 11, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Attends Funerals Just for All the Free Food
    September 29, 2019
  • Morden Mennonites in Shock as Their Beloved Chicken Chef Now Fully Licensed
    September 3, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026
  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • “They’re a slippery slope to pants”: Mennonite Church Bans Leggings
    October 6, 2024
  • Mennonite Men Compete to See Who Looks Sexiest in a Seed Company Cap
    November 5, 2022
  • Mennonites Gather for Harder-Dyck Wedding
    November 8, 2024
  • Mennonite Man Finally Allowed to Stay Up Late Enough to Watch M*A*S*H*
    September 27, 2025

Trending

  • Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins
    September 20, 2026
  • Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour
    September 19, 2026
  • Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea
    September 18, 2026
  • Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings
    September 17, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Mennonites Rejoice as NHL Finally Bans Military Appreciation Jerseys
    June 24, 2023
  • Area Man Spends 10 Hours Trying to Figure Out Hotel Shower Controls
    July 3, 2026
  • Justin Trudeau Confuses Yerba Mate for Marijuana
    August 12, 2016
  • Drake to Read Local Funeral Announcements
    May 11, 2017
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AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About

September 27, 2026

Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan

September 26, 2026

Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg

September 24, 2026

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

September 21, 2026

Unger Games

  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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