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The Daily Bonnet

8 Women Show Up to Claim Prize After Mary Unrau’s Name Called in Raffle Draw

August 2, 2026

NEWTON, KS There was mass confusion and chaos in Newton, Kansas this afternoon after the name Mary Unrau was called for the raffle draw. “I’m Mary Unrau,” said one woman. “No, I’m Mary Unrau,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Jeff Bridges, John Goodman Reunite for ‘The Big Sawatzky’

August 1, 2026

HOLLYWOOD, CA The Coen Brothers have just wrapped up filming the sequel to their 1998 cult hit The Big Lebowski. The new film, entitled The Big Sawatzky, which reunites Jeff Bridges with John Goodman, Steve […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Pastor Super Excited as His Live-Streamed Sermon Gets Three Whole Views
    March 22, 2020
  • Mennonite Church Issues Memo Against Signing Garrett Marino
    September 10, 2022
  • Cellphone Ban Coming to Mennonite Churches this Fall
    August 15, 2024

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Enjoys Delicious Steaming Cup of Pripps
    December 11, 2019
  • Mennonite Church Awarded Their Very Own Chicken Chef Franchise
    June 16, 2018
  • McDonalds to Offer All-Day Faspa
    February 7, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Graduated Licensing Program Adds New ‘Winkler Driver’ Stage Below ‘Learner’
    July 21, 2021
  • Mennonite Man to Hold the Exact Same Opinion About Everything for the Next Fifty Years
    June 26, 2025
  • Area Couple Names Newborn Daughter ‘Abe’
    June 16, 2016
  • Fans Petition Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Induct Paraguayan Harpist Eduard Klassen
    April 18, 2026

Trending

  • Southern Manitoba Transitions from Agricultural-Based Economy to Wedding Venue-Based Economy
    July 25, 2026
  • Mennonite Aunt Shocked To Discover She’s Been Excluded From Family Group Chat This Whole Time
    July 24, 2026
  • Mennonites Flock to Nickelback Concert to Collect their 5 Cents
    July 23, 2026
  • Massive Algae Bloom Discovered Beneath Gordie Howe Bridge
    July 22, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Winnipeg Woman Hosts Lovely Housewarming Party for Area Ladybugs
    October 3, 2021
  • Local Woman Spends All Afternoon Stuck in Line Behind Some Guy Buying Lotto Tickets
    August 17, 2020
  • Presents from Santa Delayed Until March this Year
    November 27, 2024
  • Falling on Your Ass Only Known Way to Stop While Skating
    February 7, 2018
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Mr. Penner Flicks For Triple Word Score

July 31, 2026

Chihuahua Airport Offers New Lounge Just For Mennonite Grandmas

July 30, 2026

Prince Edward Island Becomes Accidental Target of White House Anti-DEI Campaign

July 28, 2026

Winnipeg’s Population Surpasses 850,000 Friesens

July 27, 2026

Mennonite Family Wastes Entire Vacation Visiting Relatives

July 26, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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