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Unger the Influence

George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files

February 1, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Historians are breathing a sigh of relief this weekend as not a single mention of George Washington was discovered in the latest batch of Epstein files. “His name has been completely cleared,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina

January 31, 2026

NEW KLEETHAL, MB Despite a more than $75 million bribe paid to the local farm implements dealership to host the film, the new documentary about my Taunte Lina has proven to be a huge flop. […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Attendance Takes Huge Hit After Pastor Excommunicates Anyone Who Doesn’t Reply to His Email
    February 24, 2025
  • Mennonite Man Converts JWs at the Front Door
    January 5, 2018
  • Church Meeting Delayed Four Hours Waiting for a Seconder
    October 23, 2019

Unger & Thirst

  • Raisin Buns at Church Lunch Seen as ‘Really Bad Omen’
    April 6, 2023
  • New Abbotsford AHL Team to Be Named the Knackzoats
    June 30, 2021
  • Abbotsford Man Spends All Afternoon on IQ Tester at Ricky’s
    June 12, 2022

Unger the Influence

  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026
  • Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material
    January 8, 2026
  • US Troops Accidentally Seize One of Those Oil and Vinegar Tasting Rooms
    January 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman “Wins the Lottery” After Neighbour’s Clothes Blow into Her Yard
    July 8, 2025
  • Mennonite Woman Totally Hooked on Bubble Wrap
    July 27, 2020
  • Manitoba to be Renamed Mennotoba
    August 27, 2023
  • Horseshoes-Related Injuries Soar in 2017
    June 1, 2017

Trending

  • Every American School to be Supplied with their Very Own Dairy Cow
    January 24, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Gets Standing Ovation in Switzerland
    January 22, 2026
  • Andrew Unger Gifted Secondhand Nobel Prize for Literature
    January 21, 2026
  • Winnipeg’s Population Surpasses 850,000 Friesens
    January 20, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • New Bombers Quarterback Inspired By Patrik Laine’s Mennonite Beard
    June 23, 2018
  • Etobicoke Eager to Become the New Steinbach
    November 28, 2020
  • Kitchener, Ontario to be Renamed Berlin
    December 4, 2019
  • ‘The Sound of Music’ Still Considered Edgy in Mennonite Communities
    December 3, 2016
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Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament

January 29, 2026

Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now

January 28, 2026

Climber Scales Credit Union Building Without Safety Gear

January 27, 2026

“Up is Down” and “Down is Up” New Report Suggests

January 26, 2026

GTA Prepares for Largest Deposit of Snow Since the Rob Ford Administration

January 25, 2026

Unger Games

  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026
  • Winnipeg Jets Sign Mennonite Senior to Bring Some Youth to the Team
    January 19, 2026
  • New Season of ‘Heated Rivalry’ to Feature Manitoba’s Top Crokinole Players
    January 17, 2026
  • Steinbach Mayor Wins Grand Slam of Butchering
    January 12, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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