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Unger the Influence

Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids

October 10, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after announcing they’d be bringing back public executions, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth introduced a snazzy new video game to share the experience with kids. “The kids just love video games,” […]

Unger Suspicion

FIFA Awards Donald Trump Nobel Prize for Literature

October 8, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Moments after Canadian poet Anne Carson was announced as the winner of the 2026 Nobel Prize for Literature, a furious Donald Trump took to social media to announce his displeasure. “They’re out to […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Dismantles Department of Sunday School Education, Citing High Cost of Flannelgraph Boards
    March 25, 2025
  • Mennonite Man Hesitant to Get Vaccine after Learning He’ll Have to Start Attending Church Again
    June 12, 2021
  • Mennonite Pastor Launches New Line of $99 NFT Trading Cards
    December 26, 2022

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Food Critic Demands Larger Portions
    October 1, 2022
  • Steinbachers ‘Super Excited’ to Finally Have Some Sort of Prohibition Once Again
    October 25, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe
    August 30, 2026

Unger the Influence

  • Prince Edward Island Becomes Accidental Target of White House Anti-DEI Campaign
    July 28, 2026
  • Vandals Caddyshack the Reflecting Pool
    June 26, 2026
  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Group Proposes to Move Steinbach’s Summer Festival to the Very Coldest Day of the Year
    June 18, 2016
  • Mennonite Grandma Knits Cozy Warm Woolen Covid Masks
    March 27, 2021
  • Porch Swing Launches Mennonite Grandma into Neighbour’s Yard
    May 23, 2019
  • Morden to Pass Winkler in Population By the Year 2056
    February 14, 2022

Trending

  • AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About
    September 27, 2026
  • Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan
    September 26, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”
    September 22, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Alberta Premier Calls Shirtless Dude at 7-11 “Most Persecuted Man in All of Human History”
    October 13, 2022
  • Millennial Receives Medical Attention to Extract Smartphone from Hand
    November 8, 2017
  • AOL Ends Dial-Up Internet Mere Days After Mennonite Man Signed Up For It
    August 13, 2025
  • Pat Sajak to be Replaced with Mennonite Man who Only Knows Plautdietsch
    June 12, 2024
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Massive E-Scooter Outbreak Strikes Southern Manitoba

October 7, 2026

British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For

October 6, 2026

Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season

October 5, 2026

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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