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The Daily Bonnet

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

BLUMENORT, MB After extensive traffic studies on Highway 12 north of Steinbach this summer, the Manitoba Road Authority has decided to designate the left lane to be used exclusively by families driving excruciatingly slow and/or […]

Unger Suspicion

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

September 21, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB Local retired electrician Timothy Reimer, 88, had quite the busy evening as AC/DC took to the stage at Princess Auto Stadium this weekend. “All these concerned Mennonites were standing outside the stadium with […]

Unger Conviction

  • Area Church Seemingly Doesn’t Realize that God is Not Confined to a Parking Lot
    November 29, 2020
  • Mennonite Pastor Hired for Wife’s Ability to Play the Piano
    February 19, 2024
  • Mennonite Woman Dies, Donates Her Organs
    November 29, 2018

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Sells Margarine Container to Elon Musk for $44 Billion
    April 29, 2022
  • Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Illegal Margarine Lids
    September 29, 2021
  • Strawberries Discovered on Mennonite Man’s Vereniki
    March 19, 2026

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026
  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • 10 Items You Should Not Donate to the Abbotsford Thrift Store
    February 28, 2024
  • Andrew Unger Comes Out as a Swiftie
    November 10, 2023
  • Plautdietsch Immersion School Opens This Fall
    September 20, 2024
  • Mennonite Man Spends All Day Fighting with Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser
    July 14, 2022

Trending

  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Wab Kinew Returns to Steinbach to Mow the Boulevards
    September 14, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Premier Wab Kinew Finally Visits Steinbach Just as Every Local Politician is Mysteriously Out of Town
    September 12, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Canadians Gather to Celebrate 149 Years of Not Being America
    July 1, 2016
  • Anti-Pants Pastor Caught Wearing Pants
    December 23, 2021
  • Mennonites Overwhelmingly Prefer Adam West to Any Other Batman
    June 11, 2017
  • Twitter Mourns the Loss of Jerry Lee Lewis
    August 20, 2017
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Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

September 20, 2026

Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour

September 19, 2026

Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea

September 18, 2026

Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings

September 17, 2026

Carney Sends Mennonite Delegates to Negotiate with the EU

September 16, 2026

Unger Games

  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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