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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand Low German on Cereal Boxes

August 24, 2026

AYLMER, ON Sick and tired to accidentally buying puffed wheat when what they wanted was Froot Loops, Mennonites in Canada are demanding that Low German be added to cereal boxes across the country. “Plus, it’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Gifts Wife Wrong Kind Of Dutch Oven

August 23, 2026

WINKLER, MB Area man Mark Bueckert was pretty excited that his wife Linda had asked for a “dutch oven” for their anniversary this year. However, Linda did not receive the kind of dutch oven she […]

Unger Conviction

  • Six Billion Year Old Bible Provides Definitive Proof of Evolution
    July 26, 2016
  • AGM Scheduled to Coincide with Most Important Game of the Season
    February 23, 2023
  • Menno Simons to Be Canonized as a Saint by the Catholic Church
    July 10, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Plans to Totally Fe’schlucke Herself Friday Night
    April 28, 2022
  • New ‘Import Store’ to Sell Bland Canadian Food in Mexico
    November 29, 2023
  • Liquor Stores Flooded with Mennonites Pretending Not to Buy Beer for the Lake this Weekend
    August 2, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman Makes Beautiful Dresses from Old Curtains
    March 4, 2020
  • 7 Mennonite Sisters Marry 7 Mennonite Brothers in Epic Septuple Wedding
    October 30, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Reads Full Daily Bonnet Article After Years of Just Reading the Headlines
    November 4, 2021
  • Mennonite Couple Spends Romantic Date Night at Peavey Mart
    April 20, 2024

Trending

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage
    August 14, 2026
  • World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days
    August 13, 2026
  • Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service
    August 12, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Mennonite Woman Discovered Hidden Behind Her Englisher Husband’s Surname
    January 8, 2023
  • CBC Inserts Justin Trudeau into ‘Home Alone 2’
    December 27, 2019
  • New Card Game ‘German Blitz’ Fails to Catch On
    November 30, 2022
  • Pharaoh’s Heart Hardened by Cracklings
    August 20, 2016
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Howard Lutnick Successfully Negotiates Massive $20 Billion Distraction From Epstein Island

August 22, 2026

Canada Agrees To Allow American Booze But Only If It’s All Pappy Van Winkle

August 21, 2026

Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026

Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores

August 19, 2026

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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