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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

April 25, 2026

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

Unger & Thirst

Morden Man Sets Up Corn Stand Early This Year

April 24, 2026

MORDEN, MB Area man Paul Goertzen has decided he’s going to beat everyone else to the punch this year and put up his corn stand at the end of April. “Come get your sweet delicious […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mysterious Formations Appear on Church Parking Lot Overnight
    March 21, 2026
  • Church Approves Muting Pastor’s Mic at Upcoming Service
    October 22, 2020
  • Mennonite Church Appoints Man to Lead Women’s Ministry
    November 24, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Wild Night Ensues After Mennonite Woman Spikes Schoofly Pie
    March 23, 2018
  • Dill Harvest Early this Year
    July 2, 2025
  • Millennials Completely Priced Out of Avocado Toast Market
    June 24, 2022

Unger the Influence

  • James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review
    February 19, 2026
  • White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island
    February 11, 2026
  • George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files
    February 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Now in Charge of British Columbia
    November 18, 2022
  • Cottage Cheese Vereniki Wins Landslide Victory Over Potato and Cheddar Perogies
    May 15, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Spends All Day Fighting with Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser
    July 14, 2022
  • Mennonite Couple Can’t Decide Between Seeing ‘Barbie’ … or ‘Sound of Freedom’ for the Tenth Time
    July 31, 2023

Trending

  • Fans Petition Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Induct Paraguayan Harpist Eduard Klassen
    April 18, 2026
  • Angine de Poitrine Turn Out to be a Couple Mennonite Boys from Winkler
    April 15, 2026
  • Conservatives Form Majority Government
    April 14, 2026
  • “I thought it was me as a trajchtmoaka,” Trump says
    April 13, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • City of Winnipeg Seeks to Modernize Rapid Transit System
    March 26, 2023
  • Jason Kenney Appointed Sunday School Coordinator at GraceLife Church
    April 11, 2021
  • Manitoba Man Arrested for Complaining About the Heat
    August 18, 2018
  • Car Manages to Stay Clean for a Record Two Minutes After Leaving Car Wash
    March 15, 2024
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Mr. Hamm to Return to Ancestral Name of Mr. Schinkjefleisch

April 23, 2026

Mr. Harms Promises He Won’t Hurt Anybody

April 22, 2026

City of Steinbach Issues ‘Boil Schmaunt Fat’ Advisory

April 21, 2026

Server Stops By to Ask if Everything’s Tasting Good So Far Just as Area Man Takes Final Bite

April 20, 2026

Doug Ford to Exclusively Travel by Horse and Buggy from Now On

April 19, 2026

Unger Games

  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026
  • American Victory Part of Chinese Government Plot to Get Canadians to Quit Playing Hockey
    February 26, 2026
  • Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal
    February 25, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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