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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’

April 27, 2026

WICHITA, KS The competition was fierce at the annual Mennonite Humility Awards this year, but, in the end, Mr. Samuel Janzen, 73, of Wichita was awarded the ‘Most Humble Person in Human History’ trophy. “Woohoo! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

April 25, 2026

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

Unger Conviction

  • Breaking! Pastor Dan’s Been Getting All His Insights from the Footnotes in His ‘Ryrie Study Bible’
    April 8, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Suspended from Church for the Next 4 Sundays
    June 4, 2021
  • Sanctuary Evacuated After Mennonite Man Farts in Church
    October 24, 2021

Unger & Thirst

  • How old were you when you first began to like borscht?
    April 2, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Generously Splurges on Dessert at Local Pub
    February 27, 2021
  • Winnipeg Police Seize Mennonite Woman’s Basket of Chanterelles
    May 21, 2023

Unger the Influence

  • James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review
    February 19, 2026
  • White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island
    February 11, 2026
  • George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files
    February 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man is Completely ‘Full of Schmidt’
    October 11, 2023
  • Mennonite Politician Pushes for $0.15 Minimum Wage
    June 3, 2017
  • Family Reluctantly Sings Another Verse in German to Please Grandma
    July 12, 2017
  • Mennonite Mom Doesn’t Realize Her Son’s a Hipster
    May 23, 2017

Trending

  • Doug Ford to Exclusively Travel by Horse and Buggy from Now On
    April 19, 2026
  • Fans Petition Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Induct Paraguayan Harpist Eduard Klassen
    April 18, 2026
  • Angine de Poitrine Turn Out to be a Couple Mennonite Boys from Winkler
    April 15, 2026
  • Conservatives Form Majority Government
    April 14, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Tragedy Befalls Mennonite Man After Not Liking and Sharing Anti-Trudeau Meme
    April 20, 2021
  • Fox News Sold to Group of Mennonite Investors; New Channel to Promote ‘Peace, Love, and Understanding’
    September 13, 2016
  • Gentlemen’s Club Shockingly Bereft of Any Gentlemen
    November 24, 2024
  • Heintje to Perform at Faspa this Sunday
    May 24, 2018
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Morden Man Sets Up Corn Stand Early This Year

April 24, 2026

Mr. Hamm to Return to Ancestral Name of Mr. Schinkjefleisch

April 23, 2026

Mr. Harms Promises He Won’t Hurt Anybody

April 22, 2026

City of Steinbach Issues ‘Boil Schmaunt Fat’ Advisory

April 21, 2026

Server Stops By to Ask if Everything’s Tasting Good So Far Just as Area Man Takes Final Bite

April 20, 2026

Unger Games

  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026
  • American Victory Part of Chinese Government Plot to Get Canadians to Quit Playing Hockey
    February 26, 2026
  • Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal
    February 25, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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