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Unger the Influence

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island

February 11, 2026

WINDSOR, ON The White House is fuming this week after the new Gordie Howe bridge was set to connect the United States with Canada, instead of the Epstein Island route that they preferred. “We’ve been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show

February 10, 2026

FRESNO, CA Millions of Americans were visibly upset this weekend after they had to sit through the Super Bowl’s first ever all-Plautdietsch halftime show. “Nobody understood a word of it,” said President Donald Trump. “It […]

Unger Conviction

  • Streets are So Empty that Mennonite Man Thinks He Missed the Rapture
    April 10, 2020
  • Time Between Ceremony and Reception Extended to Torture Wedding Guests
    September 21, 2019
  • Mysterious Formations Appear on Church Parking Lot Overnight
    August 27, 2020

Unger & Thirst

  • ‘Knackzoat Bear’ Tells the Strange True Story of a Grizzly Hooked on Spitz
    February 26, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Finally Finds an IPA that’s Not Too Bitter for Him
    August 24, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Worried He Might Be Getting Old as He’s Finally Developed a Taste for Borscht
    March 18, 2021

Unger the Influence

  • American Soldiers Accidentally Invade Greenland Road
    January 17, 2026
  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026
  • Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material
    January 8, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman Takes Three Hours Between Scrabble Moves
    March 6, 2020
  • Chappell Roan to Settle Down in Modest Swift Current Bungalow
    August 14, 2025
  • Mennonite Boy Sneaks a Glimpse of Stanley Cup Finals from Lutheran Neighbour’s Window
    May 30, 2017
  • Body Odour to be Bottled and Sold as ‘Eau de Menno’ Cologne
    February 12, 2017

Trending

  • Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina
    January 31, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026
  • Climber Scales Credit Union Building Without Safety Gear
    January 27, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Oscar Red Carpet Replaced with Mennonite Quilt
    March 16, 2023
  • Sean Penn Confesses He’s Really a Penner
    September 9, 2023
  • Controversial Alt-Mennonite Leader is Fed Up With Being Told Not to Judge
    December 3, 2016
  • Quiz: What Do You Know About Quakers?
    January 16, 2018
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Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters

February 9, 2026

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show

February 8, 2026

Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses

February 6, 2026

Minnesota to be Renamed ‘Manitoba South’

February 3, 2026

George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files

February 1, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters
    February 9, 2026
  • Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show
    February 8, 2026
  • Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses
    February 6, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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