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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Punishes Grandkids By Making Them Chew Thrills Gum

August 4, 2026

MITCHELL, MB Local grandma Mrs. Agnes Wiebe, 72, unleashed the harshest punishment known to Mennonites this week by making her misbehaving grandkids chew a piece of soap-flavoured Thrills gum for a full fifteen minutes. “I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rhubarb Discovered on Mennonite Woman’s Vereniki

August 3, 2026

KLEEFELD, MB Mrs. Koop of Kleefeld had to be rushed to the hospital this week after she over-exerted herself trying to get more rhubarb on her vereniki. “I’m doing okay now, but it was the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Issues Memo Against Signing Garrett Marino
    September 10, 2022
  • Mennonite Deacon Arrested for Manspreading Across Entire Church Pew
    August 24, 2017
  • Pourer Gets Dunked Just to Make Sure
    June 1, 2020

Unger & Thirst

  • ‘Mennonite Boys Can Cook’ Cookbook Fails to Impress
    January 3, 2017
  • Mennonites Really Excited for Tonight’s Golden Globe Awards
    January 7, 2018
  • King Charles: “White House Dinner Not as Delicious as the Vereniki I Had in Steinbach Back in 1970”
    April 30, 2026

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Grandma’s Bunion Surgery Goes Shockingly Wrong
    May 19, 2017
  • Cindy Klassen Spotted Wearing Skates at Beach
    August 2, 2017
  • Mennonite Couple Spends Entire Vacation at Timeshare Presentation
    January 23, 2024
  • 2016 Nobel Peace Prize to be Shared by All Mennonites
    October 7, 2016

Trending

  • Winnipeg’s Population Surpasses 850,000 Friesens
    July 27, 2026
  • Mennonite Family Wastes Entire Vacation Visiting Relatives
    July 26, 2026
  • Southern Manitoba Transitions from Agricultural-Based Economy to Wedding Venue-Based Economy
    July 25, 2026
  • Mennonite Aunt Shocked To Discover She’s Been Excluded From Family Group Chat This Whole Time
    July 24, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Daily Bonnet Risks Alienating Legions of Devoted Followers in Quebec by Saying “Go Jets Go!”
    June 2, 2021
  • Winnipeg Couple Plans ‘Nice, Warm, Tropical Vacation’ on Mars
    January 28, 2019
  • How to Totally Rock Your Mother’s Hand-Me-Down Bathing Suit This Summer!
    June 20, 2019
  • AOL Ends Dial-Up Internet Mere Days After Mennonite Man Signed Up For It
    August 13, 2025
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8 Women Show Up to Claim Prize After Mary Unrau’s Name Called in Raffle Draw

August 2, 2026

Jeff Bridges, John Goodman Reunite for ‘The Big Sawatzky’

August 1, 2026

Mr. Penner Flicks For Triple Word Score

July 31, 2026

Chihuahua Airport Offers New Lounge Just For Mennonite Grandmas

July 30, 2026

Prince Edward Island Becomes Accidental Target of White House Anti-DEI Campaign

July 28, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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