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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Creates “Build Your Own Papsi” Kit

August 20, 2026

LA CRETE, AB Do-it-yourself and father-of-eight Peter Klippenstein, 37, of La Crete is tired of all the “axpansive Papsi” his wife Aggie comes home with and has decided to build his own cola. He’s even […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Area man Donald Ausfahrt narrowly escaped the imminent threat of having to clean up the chairs after the church potluck this week. Ausfahrt led everyone to believe he was in the back […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Man Super Excited to Eat These Noah’s Ark Cookies
    June 9, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Sits at End of Pew, Absolutely Refuses to Scooch Over
    November 30, 2018
  • “People just keep coming forward”: ‘Just As I Am’ Played Continuously Since 1967
    November 10, 2020

Unger & Thirst

  • Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway
    September 9, 2022
  • Mennonite Child Opens Lunch Box to Find a Lard Sandwich Yet Again Today
    May 10, 2019
  • Young Man Swears Off Farmer Sausage When He Discovers the Truth About Natural Casings
    February 27, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • “Don’t Put All Your Abes in One Basket”: 10 Mennonite Idioms
    October 28, 2021
  • What’s in a Name? A Few Questions with Andrew Unger
    March 1, 2023
  • Mexican Mennonite Purchases Snowmobile, Prays for White Christmas
    December 15, 2018
  • Mennonite Boy Sneaks a Glimpse of Stanley Cup Finals from Lutheran Neighbour’s Window
    May 30, 2017

Trending

  • Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service
    August 12, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup
    August 11, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s
    August 10, 2026
  • Reitmans Introduces New ‘Angine de Poitrine’ Line
    August 9, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Sporadic Golfer Still Can’t Figure Out Why He Sucks At It
    July 9, 2017
  • Assiniboine Park Zoo Opens Up New Mosquito Exhibit
    July 25, 2017
  • Pat Sajak to be Replaced with Mennonite Man who Only Knows Plautdietsch
    June 12, 2024
  • Local Man’s Biggest Fear is Showing His Fear
    November 6, 2020
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Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores

August 19, 2026

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026

Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI

August 16, 2026

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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