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Unger Suspicion

Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario

August 26, 2026

TORONTO, ON Amidst a heated trade war with Canada, President Donald Trump announced a new deal to reinstall all the mines he removed from the Strait of Hormuz and reinstall them in Lake Ontario. “Many […]

Unger Suspicion

Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him

August 25, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB It seems US President Donald Trump has resorted to the most powerful weapon in his playbook -renaming bodies of water. “Starting tomorrow I am ordering all school children to scribble out the name […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Pastor Launches String of F-Bombs in Last Sermon Before Retirement
    July 25, 2018
  • Fight Breaks Out for Church Pew on ‘Peace Sunday’
    November 10, 2019
  • Pastor’s Son to Take Over the Family Business
    September 27, 2018

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonites Buy Naming Rights to New Edmonton Arena
    March 14, 2018
  • Thirst Trap? Oma Lures Opa with Fresh Homemade Iced Tea
    April 19, 2024
  • McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee
    January 7, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Reluctantly Agrees to Wash His Hands Once in a While to Prevent Coronavirus
    March 3, 2020
  • Bernie Sanders Spotted at Mennonite Locales Across North America
    January 21, 2021
  • ‘Winkler Humility’ March Offers Stark Contrast to ‘Morden Pride’
    June 24, 2019
  • ‘Knipsbrat and Chill???’: Mennonite Woman Receives Late Night Text
    April 16, 2019

Trending

  • Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores
    August 19, 2026
  • General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren
    August 17, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage
    August 14, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Congress to Do Everything in its Power to Do Absolutely Nothing
    May 26, 2022
  • Wife to Warm Feet on Husband Tonight
    August 17, 2025
  • Local Pastor ‘Fuming Mad’ He Wasn’t Invited to ‘First Ministers Meeting’
    December 10, 2018
  • Abbotsford Woman Mortgages House to Pay for Taylor Swift Tickets
    November 5, 2023
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Mennonites Demand Low German on Cereal Boxes

August 24, 2026

Mennonite Man Gifts Wife Wrong Kind Of Dutch Oven

August 23, 2026

Howard Lutnick Successfully Negotiates Massive $20 Billion Distraction From Epstein Island

August 22, 2026

Canada Agrees To Allow American Booze But Only If It’s All Pappy Van Winkle

August 21, 2026

Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck

August 20, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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