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The Daily Bonnet

Fans Petition Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Induct Paraguayan Harpist Eduard Klassen

April 18, 2026

STRATFORD, ON Another year has come and gone and once again legendary Paraguayan harpist Eduard Klassen has been left off the list for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “It’s outrageous,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Angine de Poitrine Turn Out to be a Couple Mennonite Boys from Winkler

April 15, 2026

WINKLER, MB Angine de Poitrine, the mysterious math rock duo who has taken the Internet by storm, have kept their identities secret until now. The secret slipped this week out after the drummer was caught […]

Unger Conviction

  • United Church Totally Rips Off Mennonite Hymnal
    June 19, 2024
  • Mennonite Woman Shunned for Marrying Outside Her Precise Denominational Affiliation
    July 31, 2016
  • Mennonite Man Baptized a Third Time Just to Make Sure
    July 15, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • Tim Hortons Introduces Full Line of Yerba Products
    September 22, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Orders Every Liquid on the Menu
    January 17, 2022
  • Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s
    October 3, 2025

Unger the Influence

  • White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island
    February 11, 2026
  • George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files
    February 1, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Now that Grandma’s Passed, the Hieberts Can Finally Stop Having So Many Family Gatherings
    June 26, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Mistakes Huge Miriam Toews Crowd for Billy Graham Crusade
    October 16, 2025
  • 10 Completely True No Bullshit Facts and Figures for Your ‘Mennonite Heritage Week’ Article
    September 14, 2019
  • It’s Alive! The Daily Bonnet Rises from the Ashes
    February 1, 2023

Trending

  • Killing People Only Way to Achieve Lasting Peace, Leaders Insist
    April 8, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Sent To Unclog Space Toilet
    April 7, 2026
  • Family Manages to Get On a Record Three Rides During Weeklong Trip to Disney
    April 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Frat Boys Disappointed with Visit to Intercourse, Pennsylvania
    August 17, 2017
  • Man with 27% of the Vote Claims He’s Mayor of Winnipeg
    October 27, 2022
  • Highway 75 Re-opens, Still Just as Shitty as Before
    November 27, 2021
  • “Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme
    July 25, 2024
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Conservatives Form Majority Government

April 14, 2026

“I thought it was me as a trajchtmoaka,” Trump says

April 13, 2026

Mennonite Man Wears His Very Best Carhartt to Church

April 12, 2026

Americans Demand the Flooding of Saskatchewan and Manitoba to Give their Ships Easier Access to Canadian Oil

April 11, 2026

Thousands of Poultry Farmers Accidentally Show Up at ‘National Poetry Month’ Event

April 10, 2026

Unger Games

  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026
  • American Victory Part of Chinese Government Plot to Get Canadians to Quit Playing Hockey
    February 26, 2026
  • Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal
    February 25, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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