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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’

April 27, 2026

WICHITA, KS The competition was fierce at the annual Mennonite Humility Awards this year, but, in the end, Mr. Samuel Janzen, 73, of Wichita was awarded the ‘Most Humble Person in Human History’ trophy. “Woohoo! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Implements Needle Exchange Program for Knitting-Addicted Grandmas

April 25, 2026

BIRD-IN-HAND, PA The small Mennonite town of Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania has become the first community in the nation to introduce a knitting needle exchange program for local grandmas. Starting this January, local knitters will be able […]

Unger Conviction

  • Snow Finally Melts Freeing Up Precious Spots in Church Parking Lot
    April 23, 2019
  • Local Couple Finds Themselves Completely Alone in Church on May Long Weekend
    May 19, 2019
  • ‘Holy Kiss’ in Mennonite Church Lobby Becomes Total Make-out Session
    January 24, 2019

Unger & Thirst

  • Meet the Woman Behind the Pistachio Pudding Shortage
    October 9, 2016
  • Wonder Oil to be Added to Town Drinking Water
    June 21, 2017
  • Banana Turns Brown Mere Seconds After Entering House
    December 11, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review
    February 19, 2026
  • White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island
    February 11, 2026
  • George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files
    February 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Diagnosed with Gas Problem
    March 19, 2022
  • Manitoba Man Prepares Ark for Annual Spring Thaw
    March 16, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Invests Entire Life Savings in Pink Stanleys
    January 19, 2024
  • Abbotsford Woman Experiences Embarrassing Bout of Garden Envy
    November 10, 2021

Trending

  • Doug Ford to Exclusively Travel by Horse and Buggy from Now On
    April 19, 2026
  • Fans Petition Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Induct Paraguayan Harpist Eduard Klassen
    April 18, 2026
  • Angine de Poitrine Turn Out to be a Couple Mennonite Boys from Winkler
    April 15, 2026
  • Conservatives Form Majority Government
    April 14, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Jets Ink Morrissey to Long Term Deal
    August 22, 2018
  • Falling on Your Ass Only Known Way to Stop While Skating
    February 7, 2018
  • O.J. Simpson Flees Down L.A. Freeway in Mennonite Buggy
    August 16, 2017
  • Blue Bombers Proudly Hoist ‘Sunday School Attendance’ Trophy
    November 18, 2018
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Morden Man Sets Up Corn Stand Early This Year

April 24, 2026

Mr. Hamm to Return to Ancestral Name of Mr. Schinkjefleisch

April 23, 2026

Mr. Harms Promises He Won’t Hurt Anybody

April 22, 2026

City of Steinbach Issues ‘Boil Schmaunt Fat’ Advisory

April 21, 2026

Server Stops By to Ask if Everything’s Tasting Good So Far Just as Area Man Takes Final Bite

April 20, 2026

Unger Games

  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026
  • American Victory Part of Chinese Government Plot to Get Canadians to Quit Playing Hockey
    February 26, 2026
  • Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal
    February 25, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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