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The Daily Bonnet

Area Man Really Digging this Dave Brubeck They’re Playing While He’s On Hold

July 10, 2026

KITCHENER, ON After Travelocity messed up his travel plans this spring break, area man Dave Martin of Kitchener was relieved that he’d at least get to spend the next 9 hours on hold listening to […]

Unger Games

Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning

July 10, 2026

FRESNO, CA Guillermo Toews, a soccer player from Paraguay, got FIFA’s first ever red card for yawning this week after appearing visibly bored during his match against Turkey. “Hey, if the fans are bored that’s […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Launches New Program: ‘Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner and Staying All Night?’
    May 7, 2019
  • Mennonite Pastor Insists Sermon Isn’t Actually About You
    May 9, 2019
  • Biden Sends Thoughts and Prayers to “Former President Ronald Reagan”
    July 13, 2024

Unger & Thirst

  • Demolished Winkler Tower Cripples City’s Schmaunt Fat Supply
    November 23, 2021
  • 5 Alcoholic Beverages You Can Easily Sneak Past the Elders
    March 17, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill
    May 10, 2026

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Top Ten Dangers of Living in a Mennonite Town
    November 7, 2018
  • Abe’s Hill to Become Manitoba Star Attraction
    December 5, 2016
  • Outreach Event Fails After Toronto Mennonite Church Hosts Actual Blue Jay Watching Party
    October 8, 2022
  • Mennonite Woman Watches 72 Consecutive Hours of Hoof Trimming Videos
    July 18, 2024

Trending

  • Surprises Abound on Taylor and Travis’s Guest List
    July 4, 2026
  • Area Man Spends 10 Hours Trying to Figure Out Hotel Shower Controls
    July 3, 2026
  • Area Man Has No Idea His AI-Generated Poster is a Total Shit Show
    July 2, 2026
  • Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early
    July 1, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Donald Dueck Marries Daisy, Cousin Mickey Not Invited
    October 2, 2017
  • Canadian Government Spends $4.5 Billion on Old Useless Crap From Mrs. Penner’s Garage Sale
    June 1, 2018
  • Winnipeg’s Garbage Hill to Be Returned to its Former Glory
    September 11, 2018
  • After 20 Years in Calgary, Manitoba Man Still Hasn’t Skied
    December 16, 2017
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Mennonites Gather at Bird’s Hill for Annual Winnipeg Falk Fest

July 9, 2026

World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat

July 8, 2026

Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year

July 7, 2026

FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match

July 6, 2026

Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net

July 5, 2026

Unger Games

  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026
  • Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites
    June 30, 2026
  • Leamington Residents Celebrate Canada’s World Cup Victory with Giant Ketchup-Covered Vereniki
    June 28, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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