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Unger Games

White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup

July 11, 2026

WINKLER, MB Hours after Winkler’s-own Tristan Peters was named a 2026 American League All-Star, the Chicago White Sox announced they’d be replacing all the other players with good hearty farm boys from southern Manitoba. “Hey, […]

Unger Games

Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning

July 10, 2026

FRESNO, CA Guillermo Toews, a soccer player from Paraguay, got FIFA’s first ever red card for yawning this week after appearing visibly bored during his match against Turkey. “Hey, if the fans are bored that’s […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Signs Pastor to Massive 30-Year $1.2 Million Contract
    January 18, 2017
  • Moses Walks Back the Ten Commandments
    November 12, 2020
  • Mennonite Church Accidentally Performs First Ever Infant Baptism
    September 20, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • Wine Ninjas Accidentally Deliver to Mennonite Woman
    May 18, 2020
  • Mennonite Man Slops $1000 Worth of Caesar Salad on His Plate
    November 27, 2022
  • Steinbach Man Still Sneaking Over to La Broquerie for Booze
    April 5, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman Arrested for Stealing Her Neighbour’s Ham
    November 25, 2019
  • Morden Man Successfully Stretches Penny Into Copper Wire
    November 29, 2016
  • No Picture
    Eligible Mennonite Women Compete to See Has to Marry Lifelong Bachelor Abe
    January 12, 2022
  • Steinbach Man Confesses to Meeting His Wife at the Frantz Motor Inn
    April 8, 2024

Trending

  • Surprises Abound on Taylor and Travis’s Guest List
    July 4, 2026
  • Area Man Spends 10 Hours Trying to Figure Out Hotel Shower Controls
    July 3, 2026
  • Area Man Has No Idea His AI-Generated Poster is a Total Shit Show
    July 2, 2026
  • Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early
    July 1, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach
    August 26, 2016
  • Mennonite Man Declares Himself ‘Greater Than Muhammad Ali’
    June 4, 2016
  • Local Paper Candidate Asking for Your Vote on Monday
    October 20, 2019
  • Marie Kondo Inspires Huge Surge of Donations to Local Thrift Store
    April 26, 2019
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Mennonites Gather at Bird’s Hill for Annual Winnipeg Falk Fest

July 9, 2026

World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat

July 8, 2026

Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year

July 7, 2026

FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match

July 6, 2026

Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net

July 5, 2026

Unger Games

  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026
  • Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites
    June 30, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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