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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Women are Shedding their Düaks During Heat Wave

July 12, 2026

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of Mennonite woman descended AD Penner Park this afternoon to watch the local EMMC-EMC-MC slo-pitch tournament, but soon found they had to make a few adjustment to their attire. “Oba, I’ve experienced […]

Unger Games

White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup

July 11, 2026

WINKLER, MB Hours after Winkler’s-own Tristan Peters was named a 2026 American League All-Star, the Chicago White Sox announced they’d be replacing all the other players with good hearty farm boys from southern Manitoba. “Hey, […]

Unger Conviction

  • Streaker Disrupts Mennonite Church Service
    June 6, 2017
  • Guest Gets Totally Lost on the Way to 100 Huntley Street
    May 21, 2017
  • Presence of Rock Band in Elkhart Sparks Fiery Theological Debate
    November 2, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Church Bans ‘Roll Up the Rim’ as Gambling
    March 5, 2018
  • Global Mennonite Weight Increases 50 Million Pounds Over the Holiday Season
    January 2, 2017
  • Winkler Declares Schmaunt Fat Rationing Emergency
    July 28, 2021

Unger the Influence

  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonites Flock to Get their Hands on $65 Elton John T-Shirts
    October 5, 2019
  • Mennonite Man Can’t Decide Between Shitty Old Truck and Obnoxious Honda Civic
    June 16, 2022
  • Mennonites are Turning their Old Laine Jerseys into Quilts
    January 24, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Attempts to Outdo Florida Man
    March 22, 2019

Trending

  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026
  • Surprises Abound on Taylor and Travis’s Guest List
    July 4, 2026
  • Area Man Spends 10 Hours Trying to Figure Out Hotel Shower Controls
    July 3, 2026
  • Area Man Has No Idea His AI-Generated Poster is a Total Shit Show
    July 2, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Abe Claims Landslide Victory in Japanese Election
    October 24, 2017
  • Sporadic Golfer Still Can’t Figure Out Why He Sucks At It
    July 9, 2017
  • Manitoba Government Introduces Strict ‘No Kill’ Policy for Mosquitos
    May 28, 2017
  • John Tortorella Hires Mennonites to Shun Patrik Laine
    March 12, 2021
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Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning

July 10, 2026

Mennonites Gather at Bird’s Hill for Annual Winnipeg Falk Fest

July 9, 2026

World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat

July 8, 2026

Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year

July 7, 2026

FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match

July 6, 2026

Unger Games

  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026
  • Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net
    July 5, 2026
  • Paraguay Defeats Germany Thanks to the Prayers of 100,000 Mennonites
    June 30, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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