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Unger & Thirst

Enhanced Games Allow Athletes to Use Summa Borscht

May 28, 2026

LAS VEGAS, NV The inaugural Enhanced Games in Las Vegas this week will allow athletes from around the world to compete under the influence of summa borscht. “It’s the first of its kind to allow […]

Unger the Influence

Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter

May 27, 2026

OTTAWA, ON Prime Minister Mark Carney has decided to raze more than 72 million acres of old growth forest in the province of British Columbia this week just to make sure every man, woman, and […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Accountability Group Keeps Men From Saying Stupid Stuff on the Internet
    April 2, 2019
  • Church’s Annual ‘Costume and Candy Party’ Eerily Similar to Halloween
    October 26, 2024
  • Pastor Mansplains for 40 Minutes this Morning
    July 16, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Three Hours Later, Mennonite Man Still Working on that Piece of Chokecherry Pie
    August 12, 2018
  • Conservative Mennonite Sect Bans ‘Papsi’ and ‘Ravel’ Bars
    June 10, 2016
  • Mennonite Couple Shares Single Plate at Mother’s Day Buffet
    May 10, 2022

Unger the Influence

  • Conservatives Form Majority Government
    April 14, 2026
  • “I thought it was me as a trajchtmoaka,” Trump says
    April 13, 2026
  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • New CBC Show ‘Pure’ Gets An Enthusiastic ‘Oh ba yo’ From Knels and Annie Krahn
    January 10, 2017
  • Engaged Woman Struggles to Keep from Farting in Front of Her Fiancé
    June 8, 2023
  • Top Ten Daily Bonnet Articles of 2022
    January 1, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Attempts to Outdo Florida Man
    March 22, 2019

Trending

  • Mennonite Woman Permanently Trapped in New Landmark Roundabout
    May 19, 2026
  • Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup
    May 18, 2026
  • Baal Really Excited for New Statue in His Honour
    May 17, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba
    May 15, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Mennonite Man Confesses to Voting Democrat
    December 10, 2020
  • Saskatchewan Man Insists His Province is “Not that Flat” and You’re Just Seeing the Boring Part from the Highway
    July 21, 2022
  • NBC Gives New ‘Friends’ Reboot a Mennonite Twist
    March 27, 2019
  • Mark Zuckerberg Breaks Down, Admits He Has No Real Friends
    January 27, 2022
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Petro-Canada Introduces New Farmer Sausage-Scented Air Fresheners

May 26, 2026

Andrew Unger Celebrates 10 Years of Schmaunt Fat Jokes

May 25, 2026

Ed Sullivan Theatre to Be Demolished and Replaced with Donald J. Trump Center for Free Speech

May 22, 2026

Potato Discovered in Mennonite Man’s Vereniki

May 21, 2026

Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund

May 20, 2026

Unger Games

  • Enhanced Games Allow Athletes to Use Summa Borscht
    May 28, 2026
  • Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup
    May 18, 2026
  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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