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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba

May 15, 2026

CARMAN, MB Mrs. Loewen of Carman has been enlisted by Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew to dust the entire province this weekend. “That was quite the dust storm,” said Kinew. “But luckily we have women like […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Streaker Disrupts Mennonite Church Service
    June 6, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Reluctantly Keeps Tacky Jesus Souvenir For Thirty Years
    January 25, 2019
  • Mennonite Couple Names Children After Really Obscure Old Testament Characters
    June 2, 2016

Unger & Thirst

  • “I Could Make it Myself Better and Cheaper”: Mennonite Woman Refuses to Buy Anything at Church Bake Sale
    January 18, 2019
  • Leamington Man Arrested for Possession of Heinz Ketchup
    May 9, 2017
  • Jaws of Life Required to Extract Red Candy from Oma’s Candy Bowl
    December 28, 2018

Unger the Influence

  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026
  • Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney
    March 6, 2026
  • Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer
    March 1, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Winkler Hires Taunte Nettie as City’s First Female Cop
    July 26, 2017
  • Corny Rempel Becomes World’s First Menno Simons Impersonator
    December 19, 2016
  • Local Woman Wears Face Mask Just to Keep Warm
    December 19, 2021
  • Mennonite Woman Awarded Top Prize in Annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival
    May 30, 2019

Trending

  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Finally Takes Off His Winter Tires
    May 4, 2026
  • James Comey Indicted Over ‘606 47’ Seashell Photo
    May 3, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • 1.4 Million Manitobans Show Up at Steep Rock All at Once
    August 2, 2020
  • Google Searches for “How to Become Amish” Surge During Presidential Debate
    October 1, 2020
  • Edmonton Man Really Upset His Favourite Team Would Change their Name … or Logo, Colours, Jersey, Mascot, Location, Stadium, Turf, Ownership, Ticket Prices, Players, Coaching Staff, Management, Special Teams Strategy …
    July 21, 2020
  • “Oops, My Bad,” Say Democrats Who Forgot to Codify Roe v. Wade for Almost 50 Years
    June 26, 2022
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90-Year-Old Grandma Emerges Victorious in Senior Assassin 2026

May 12, 2026

Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill

May 10, 2026

Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage Causes Mennonites to Compromise Cherished Values for First Time Ever

May 9, 2026

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”

May 8, 2026

Mennonite Man Doesn’t Have Enough Space on Census Form to List All His Kids

May 7, 2026

Unger Games

  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026
  • Jason Kelce Spotted on Manitoba Farm in Full Mennonite Attire
    March 11, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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