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Unger Games

Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season

October 5, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg Jets superstar Connor Hellebuyck has been lights out so far this season, leading the league with an impressive 0.00 Goals Against Average. “He hasn’t let a goal in yet all year,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Trump Promises Mennonites $5000 Worth of Bubbat if They Vote Republican

October 3, 2026

NEWTON, KS President Donald Trump is trying to win over the Low German Mennonite vote by promising the most lucrative bribe he could think of – bubbat. “Quite frankly, I don’t even know what it […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Bans Google Chrome
    November 29, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Super Excited that He Can Finally Attend Church in His Undies
    March 29, 2020
  • Mennonite Pastor Hired for Wife’s Ability to Play the Piano
    February 19, 2024

Unger & Thirst

  • Steinbach Man Gets Totally Hammered on Welch’s Grape Juice
    July 8, 2016
  • McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee
    January 7, 2024
  • “Immodest” Mennonite Woman Leaves Her Zwieback Out for All to See
    August 30, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Vows to Make Washington Reflecting Pool as Beautiful as Lake Winnipeg
    June 17, 2026
  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Man Paints His Massey Ferguson Green and Yellow
    July 25, 2019
  • A List of Every Mannanite Film Ever Nominated for Bast Picture
    January 24, 2023
  • Missing CMU Student Discovered Beneath a Mountain of Hauerwas Books
    April 4, 2017
  • Tupperware Rep Finds Lucrative New Side Hustle
    April 17, 2024

Trending

  • Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means
    September 21, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins
    September 20, 2026
  • Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour
    September 19, 2026
  • Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea
    September 18, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party
    October 2, 2026
  • Federal Government Borrows $400 Billion from Industrious Mennonite Farmer
    April 25, 2021
  • Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Curling is a Real Sport’
    October 4, 2022
  • Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert
    September 13, 2023
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Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

October 2, 2026

AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About

September 27, 2026

Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan

September 26, 2026

Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg

September 24, 2026

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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