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Unger Conviction

Alberta Separatists Hire Mennonites to Show Them How It’s Done

October 17, 2026

CALGARY, AB Days before the referendum, Alberta separatists have hired the world-renowned experts on splits and schisms – the Mennonites. “If we’re gonna split over trivial differences, who better than the Mennonites to help us […]

Unger the Influence

Incoherent White House Press Secretary Actually Speaking Low German

October 16, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC Trump’s new press secretary lasted just five days on the job after appearing completely unable to string a few words together. “But as it turns out, she was actually speaking in Plautdietsch the […]

Unger Conviction

  • Church Attendance Takes Huge Hit After Pastor Excommunicates Anyone Who Doesn’t Reply to His Email
    February 24, 2025
  • Mennonite Man Narrowly Escapes Church Service in Catering Truck
    August 20, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Converts JWs at the Front Door
    January 5, 2018

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Historians Unearth the Mysterious Origins of the Farmer Sausage Burger
    August 30, 2022
  • Archaeologists Excavate Thick Layer of Sunflower Seeds on Car Floor
    August 29, 2016
  • Steak Temperature Guide (Mennonite Edition)
    August 15, 2017

Unger the Influence

  • Premier Wab Kinew Finally Visits Steinbach Just as Every Local Politician is Mysteriously Out of Town
    September 12, 2026
  • Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants
    August 27, 2026
  • Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him
    August 25, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Satirist Shunned After Appearing on Television
    January 4, 2022
  • Strange and/or Creepy Google Search Words That Led People to the Daily Bonnet
    May 18, 2017
  • Local Soccer Mom Undergoes Surgery to Become Hockey Mom
    November 12, 2016
  • Christmas Lights Partake in Intermittent Fasting
    December 26, 2021

Trending

  • FIFA Awards Donald Trump Nobel Prize for Literature
    October 8, 2026
  • Massive E-Scooter Outbreak Strikes Southern Manitoba
    October 7, 2026
  • British Columbians Can’t Decide Which Mennonite to Vote For
    October 6, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • IOC Bans Mennonites from 2018 Winter Olympics
    December 6, 2017
  • Dustin Byfuglien Retires from NHL to Work on Mennonite Farm
    October 25, 2019
  • King Solomon to Undergo Wisdom Tooth Surgery
    May 13, 2019
  • Bob Dylan Set to Release “Even Slower Train Coming” Album
    June 1, 2016
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American School Bans ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ For Being Canadian

October 14, 2026

White House Reinstates Day to Honour Guy Who Directed ‘Home Alone’

October 13, 2026

Mennonite Woman Arrested for Buying Her Pumpkin Pie at Costco

October 12, 2026

Albertans to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Separation

October 11, 2026

Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids

October 10, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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