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Unger Suspicion

AI Claims It Won’t Kill All Humans and There’s Nothing to Worry About

September 27, 2026

SILICON VALLEY, CA After several disturbing reports by AI experts that claimed there was a 10% chance AI would kill us all within 10 years, new studies written by AI show that there’s actually nothing […]

Unger Suspicion

Hundreds of Legal Potash Dispensaries to Open in Saskatchewan

September 26, 2026

REGINA, SK Residents of Saskatchewan have voted overwhelmingly this week to legalize potash dispensaries across the province. “We’ve gotta do something to keep up with Belarus,” said Regina resident Barry Broesky. “I’m sure with all […]

Unger Conviction

  • New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable
    October 29, 2022
  • New ‘Transformers’ Movie to Feature Mennonites Who Are One Way on Sunday and Totally Different the Rest of the Week
    December 8, 2021
  • ‘Holy Kiss’ in Mennonite Church Lobby Becomes Total Make-out Session
    January 24, 2019

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar
    December 10, 2023
  • Mennonites Rush to Stock Up on ‘Reimermectin’
    September 10, 2021
  • Mennonite Woman Has “Just One Small Piece” … Then Has Four More
    November 3, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026
  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Missing CMU Student Discovered Beneath a Mountain of Hauerwas Books
    April 4, 2017
  • Shunned Mennonites Feeling Super Safe Right Now
    March 18, 2020
  • Mennonite Woman Takes Three Hours Between Scrabble Moves
    March 6, 2020
  • Abe’s Hill to Become Manitoba Star Attraction
    December 5, 2016

Trending

  • Australian Pastor Apologizes, Says He Shouldn’t Have Preached Hourlong Sermon with Diarrhea
    September 18, 2026
  • Frugal Mennonites Excited for the Permanent Daylight Savings
    September 17, 2026
  • Carney Sends Mennonite Delegates to Negotiate with the EU
    September 16, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Retired Threshing Machine Takes Up New Full-Time Advertising Job
    August 20, 2020
  • Sparse Crowd at Nickelback Concert, Mostly Just Mennonites
    September 21, 2017
  • Taco Bell Purchases John Coltrane Catalogue for $200 Million
    July 13, 2022
  • Rare Patch of Smooth Road Discovered in Winnipeg
    March 28, 2018
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Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg

September 24, 2026

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

September 22, 2026

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

September 21, 2026

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

September 20, 2026

Ed Sheeran Drops Mennonite Choir from North American Tour

September 19, 2026

Unger Games

  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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