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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

September 2, 2026

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Anne Loewen, 71, was in the greatest existential crisis of her life this Saturday afternoon after encountering bags of frozen potato and cheddar perogies alongside the cottage cheese perogies she’s used […]

Unger Games

Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights

September 1, 2026

BLUMENORT, MB Disgruntled Winnipeg Jets goalie Connor Hellebuyck is demanding a trade to the only team he’s willing to play for – the Blumenort Menno Knights. “We’re working on a deal that will send Hellebuyck […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Man Claims ‘Prophetic Gift’ After Predicting Rain this May Long Weekend
    May 21, 2017
  • ‘Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow’ Reaches #1 on iTunes Chart Nearly 5 Centuries After its Release
    February 6, 2024
  • Mennonite Man Can’t Remember Where He Parked His Winter Coat
    January 15, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback
    June 14, 2024
  • Mennonite Pastor Pardons Thanksgiving Farmer Sausage
    November 24, 2016
  • Mennonite Food Critic Demands Larger Portions
    October 1, 2022

Unger the Influence

  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026
  • Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter
    May 27, 2026
  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Hymn 606 Declared Official State Song of Indiana
    November 23, 2017
  • Virgin Births Nothing Rare in Mennonite Country
    December 24, 2017
  • Dozens of Seniors Hospitalized After Visit From Penner Children
    December 4, 2017
  • Mom’s Spoon Preferred to Dad’s Belt, Survey Results Suggest
    April 29, 2018

Trending

  • Trump Threatens to Rename Lake Winnipeg if Wab Kinew Doesn’t Stop Saying Mean Things About Him
    August 25, 2026
  • Mennonites Demand Low German on Cereal Boxes
    August 24, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Gifts Wife Wrong Kind Of Dutch Oven
    August 23, 2026
  • Howard Lutnick Successfully Negotiates Massive $20 Billion Distraction From Epstein Island
    August 22, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Patrik Laine Traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights
    October 25, 2020
  • Saskatchewan “Highway” Really Just a Gravel Road
    September 1, 2025
  • “Greta’s Been Coached,” Says Politician Who Doesn’t Even Write His Own Speeches
    September 28, 2019
  • Winnipeg Woman Denied Entry to Folk Festival for Failing to Wear Blundstones
    July 13, 2025
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Mennonite Man Introduces Japanese A5 Wagyu Jreewe

August 30, 2026

Winkler Attempts to Rename Morden

August 29, 2026

Mennonite Child Suspended for Speaking Low German at Recess

August 28, 2026

Toddler Demands Lake Ontario Be Renamed Lake Poopy Pants

August 27, 2026

Trump To Relocate Mines From Strait of Hormuz To Lake Ontario

August 26, 2026

Unger Games

  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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