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Unger & Thirst

Carney Asks Provinces to Return Shitty Inferior American Beer to Stores

August 19, 2026

OTTAWA, ON With a potential trade deal in the works, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney is asking Canadian to start drinking shitty inferior American beer once again. “As a gesture of good will to our […]

Unger Conviction

General Conference Strikes Last Minute Deal to Lift Tariffs on Mennonite Brethren

August 17, 2026

GOSHEN, IN Just as US President Donald Trump seems hellbent on starting trade wars (and real wars) around the globe, the Mennonite Brethren and Mennonite Church have inked a brand new free trade deal that […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Man Empties Swear Jar to Support ‘My Coins Count’
    April 23, 2024
  • That Hymn 606 Sure Gets Around
    September 21, 2021
  • Visitor to Mennonite Church Blinded By All the Blond Hair
    November 3, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • Canadian Mennonite Travels All the Way to Belize Just for the Ice Cream
    November 7, 2022
  • Mennonite Prophet Turns Wine Into Water
    May 12, 2017
  • Mennonite Man Unable to Identify His Own Wife’s Potato Salad at Church Potluck
    November 4, 2024

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund
    May 20, 2026
  • Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Ceasefire” as “Active Battle”
    May 8, 2026
  • Man Who Aced Cognitive Test Can’t Tell Jesus From a Doctor
    May 5, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman Refunded Tuition After Graduating Bible School Single
    May 7, 2021
  • Spectacular Northern Mennonites Light Up the Night Sky
    October 14, 2021
  • Mennonite Man Assembles Every Single Piece of Furniture in His Entire House with Just this One Allen Key
    May 5, 2020
  • Local Dog Makes Huge Mess Just to Irritate Owner
    April 25, 2019

Trending

  • Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s
    August 10, 2026
  • Reitmans Introduces New ‘Angine de Poitrine’ Line
    August 9, 2026
  • Mennonites Fill Copper Wire Shortage By Stretching Pennies
    August 8, 2026
  • Steinbach Unveils New Public Transit System
    August 5, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Hallmark Quickly Films Hundreds of Christmas Movies Before the Snow Melts
    October 27, 2023
  • Volkswagen Offers Customers Financial Compensation for the Embarrassment of Driving a Volkswagen
    January 3, 2018
  • Kevin O’Leary Encourages Mennonites to ‘Work Harder, Make More Money, Be More Industrious’
    November 12, 2016
  • News Flash: Belize Exists!
    July 26, 2019
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Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI

August 16, 2026

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Nationwide Cottage Cheese Shortage

August 14, 2026

World’s Sturdiest Ice Maker Lasts a Record Three Days

August 13, 2026

Eclipse Glasses Required to Safely View Sunday’s Worship Service

August 12, 2026

Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup

August 11, 2026

Unger Games

  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026
  • White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup
    July 11, 2026
  • Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning
    July 10, 2026
  • FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match
    July 6, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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