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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Farm Boy to Fill In For Connor Hellebuyck Tonight

November 10, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB After apparently being absolutely petrified of playing in Winnipeg tonight, New Jersey Devils goalie Connor Hellebyuck will instead be eating a Jets Dog from the stands while little Timmy Wiebe of the Rosenort […]

Unger Suspicion

Angry Winnipeggers Demand Local Restaurant Installs Giant Animatronic Mouse to Entertain the Kids

November 9, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB When a new Winnipeg restaurant announced this week they would be prohibiting children under 15 from dining at their establishment, thousands of furious Winnipeggers took to the streets to demand not only that […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church to Hold Weeklong Series of Meetings to Decide Matters that Easily Could Have Been Settled in a Couple Emails
    May 2, 2022
  • Children Terrified as Puppets Launch into Fiery ‘Hell and Damnation’ Sermon
    August 17, 2018
  • Southern Baptists Expel Rick Warren for Floral-Patterned Shirt and Lack of Necktie
    June 18, 2023

Unger & Thirst

  • “Expiration Dates Are Just Recommendations,” Claims Mennonite Woman
    February 3, 2019
  • Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize
    October 10, 2025
  • Fast Food Chain Sells Farmer Sausage Filled with 80% Sawdust
    January 26, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • White House Reinstates Day to Honour Guy Who Directed ‘Home Alone’
    October 13, 2026
  • Albertans to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Whether to Vote on Separation
    October 11, 2026
  • Pentagon Introduces New “Firing Squad” Video Game for Kids
    October 10, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Beet Borscht or Murder Scene?
    March 27, 2017
  • Friesen from Reimer Avenue to Visit Reimer from Friesen Avenue
    October 15, 2021
  • Mennonite Woman Has Friesen Toews
    January 21, 2024
  • Stubborn Mennonite Man Refuses to Change Dead Bulb
    March 24, 2018

Trending

  • Winkler to Set Clocks One Hour Ahead of Morden
    November 1, 2026
  • Winnipeg Couple Dress as Country’s Scariest Creature: Canada Geese
    October 31, 2026
  • Mennonite Couple Make Sure to Eat at Home Before Jets Game
    October 30, 2026
  • City’s Top Chef Mortified to Discover His ‘Charcuterie Board’ is Just Glorified Faspa
    October 29, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Anti-Maskers Mistake The Forks for Steinbach
    April 25, 2021
  • Canadian Prime Minister Mistakes ‘Trudope’ for a Brand of Cannabis
    July 19, 2021
  • World’s “Most Powerful Nation” Loses Yet Another War
    August 17, 2021
  • Biden Weighs Nationwide Ban on Gassy Mennonite Food
    January 13, 2023
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Steinbachers Starve for Lack of Fast Food Chains

November 8, 2026

Wab Kinew Accidentally Sets Manitoba on Permanent Summer

November 7, 2026

Mennonite Man Takes 28 Years to Walk from Winkler to Morden

November 5, 2026

Historic Comeback Gives Winnipeg Jets Control of House and Senate

November 4, 2026

Winnipeg Man Absolutely Exhausted Due to Lack of Time Change

November 3, 2026

Unger Games

  • Historic Comeback Gives Winnipeg Jets Control of House and Senate
    November 4, 2026
  • Mennonite Couple Make Sure to Eat at Home Before Jets Game
    October 30, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Leads League With Impressive 0.00 GAA So Far This Season
    October 5, 2026
  • Entire Population of Winnipeg Asks for Trade Out of Winnipeg
    September 24, 2026
  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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