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Unger the Influence

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island

February 11, 2026

WINDSOR, ON The White House is fuming this week after the new Gordie Howe bridge was set to connect the United States with Canada, instead of the Epstein Island route that they preferred. “We’ve been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show

February 10, 2026

FRESNO, CA Millions of Americans were visibly upset this weekend after they had to sit through the Super Bowl’s first ever all-Plautdietsch halftime show. “Nobody understood a word of it,” said President Donald Trump. “It […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Pastor Takes Up Vegas Residency
    February 28, 2019
  • Chaos Erupts in Church After Pastor Calls for Hymn 67
    November 23, 2025
  • Missionaries Discover New Position
    January 13, 2017

Unger & Thirst

  • A Modest Proposal for the Elimination of Faspa
    March 11, 2018
  • Steinbach Water Tower to be Filled With Champagne for New Year’s Eve
    December 31, 2016
  • Local Woman Burns Hole In Her Tongue Eating Cinnamon Hearts
    February 14, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • American Soldiers Accidentally Invade Greenland Road
    January 17, 2026
  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026
  • Zwaagstra Vows to Continue Goertzen’s Legacy of Giving Andrew Unger Plenty of Material
    January 8, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Mennonite Woman Confuses Genealogy Website for Dating App
    October 8, 2018
  • Grandma Friesen Totally Schools Grandchildren in Plautdietsch Scrabble Match
    August 20, 2017
  • Town Unveils New Public Transit System
    August 23, 2016
  • Mennonite Scrapbooker Documents Literally Every Second of Family’s Life For the Past Two Decades
    May 18, 2019

Trending

  • Theatres Empty for New Documentary About My Taunte Lina
    January 31, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026
  • Climber Scales Credit Union Building Without Safety Gear
    January 27, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Donald Dueck Marries Daisy, Cousin Mickey Not Invited
    October 2, 2017
  • Ted Falk Unscathed After Lone Elbowist Attacks Canadian Parliament
    May 20, 2016
  • “It’s all starting to taste like Mennonite food!” Says Joe Biden After Losing Sense of Taste and Smell
    July 24, 2022
  • Area Person Has Opinion About Issue
    September 11, 2025
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Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters

February 9, 2026

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show

February 8, 2026

Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses

February 6, 2026

Minnesota to be Renamed ‘Manitoba South’

February 3, 2026

George Washington Completely “Absolved” in New Epstein Files

February 1, 2026

Unger Games

  • Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters
    February 9, 2026
  • Mennonite Choir to Perform at Extra-Alternative Halftime Show
    February 8, 2026
  • Canada to Field Olympic Team Entirely Made Up of Friesens and Froeses
    February 6, 2026
  • Premiers Gather in Saskatoon for Annual Crokinole Tournament
    January 29, 2026
  • Area Man to Pretend Super Bowl Actually Matters to Distract Himself from Everything Else Going On in the World Right Now
    January 28, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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