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The Daily Bonnet

Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal

February 25, 2026

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump announced this afternoon that he would be awarding Winnipeg Jets/Team USA goaltender Connor Helleybuyck the nation’s highest civilian honour. “And that, of course, is that made up coal trophy I was […]

Unger Games

Carney to Melt Down All of Canada’s Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line

February 24, 2026

TORONTO, ON It seems all the embarrassing defeats by Team Canada at the Olympics this year will not go to waste as Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a plan to use all the unwanted […]

Unger Conviction

  • Escalator Strands Pastor, Sermon Delayed
    September 26, 2025
  • Millions Show Up for Mennonite Church Service in Upstate New York
    August 15, 2019
  • Mennonite Church Celebrates 150 Years of Passive Aggressive Behaviour
    July 3, 2021

Unger & Thirst

  • Man Uses Female Pen Name to Submit Recipes to Mennonite Cookbook
    February 4, 2017
  • ‘Summer McIntosh Borscht’: Mennonites Rename Soup in Honour of Swimmer
    August 1, 2024
  • Grandma Cookies Now Made from Freshly Harvested Grandmas
    November 11, 2023

Unger the Influence

  • Andrew Unger Gifted Secondhand Nobel Prize for Literature
    January 21, 2026
  • American Soldiers Accidentally Invade Greenland Road
    January 17, 2026
  • Ottawa Disappointed with Gun Buyback Program in Mennonite Country
    January 11, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • New Horse-and-Buggy Dealership Opens in ‘Automobile City’
    June 10, 2018
  • A Complete List of Steinbachers at the Anti-Mask Rally Today
    November 14, 2020
  • Mennonites Excited as Halloween is Cancelled this Year
    October 31, 2020
  • Engaged Woman Struggles to Keep from Farting in Front of Her Fiancé
    June 8, 2023

Trending

  • Manitoba Issues Province-wide “Yellow Snow” Warning
    February 17, 2026
  • I Searched the Epstein Files for Mennonite Content – This is What I Found
    February 16, 2026
  • France Humiliates Canada By Losing Only By a Score of 10-2
    February 15, 2026
  • Plane Takes Couple to La Crete, Alberta Instead of Greek Island
    February 14, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • 101 Reasons for Americans to Hate Canada
    June 14, 2018
  • Brad Wall Wins Award as Canada’s ‘Best Mennonite Premier’
    February 10, 2017
  • Anne Murray Flies Over Province Singing ‘Snowbird’
    May 14, 2020
  • Highway 75 Re-opens, Still Just as Shitty as Before
    November 27, 2021
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Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won’t Ever Play That Well Again

February 23, 2026

Massive Stockpile of Silver Medals Discovered at Local Thrift Store

February 22, 2026

Abbotsford Man Has No Excuse to Miss Church Tomorrow Since He’ll Be Up at 5 AM Anyway Watching Hockey

February 21, 2026

James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review

February 19, 2026

Canadian Curler Accused of “Knipsing” Stone

February 18, 2026

Unger Games

  • Carney to Melt Down All of Canada’s Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line
    February 24, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won’t Ever Play That Well Again
    February 23, 2026
  • Massive Stockpile of Silver Medals Discovered at Local Thrift Store
    February 22, 2026
  • Abbotsford Man Has No Excuse to Miss Church Tomorrow Since He’ll Be Up at 5 AM Anyway Watching Hockey
    February 21, 2026
  • Canadian Curler Accused of “Knipsing” Stone
    February 18, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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