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The Daily Bonnet

Carney Sends Mennonite Delegates to Negotiate with the EU

September 16, 2026

STRASBOURG, FRANCE Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has decided to send the descendants of Mennonite delegates Jakob Hoeppner and Johann Bartsch to negotiate a privilegium with the EU. “Understanding the importance of these meetings, we […]

Unger Games

Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team

September 15, 2026

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg Jets goalie Connor Hellebuyck was a no show at training camp this week, reportedly demanding the chance to completely shit the bed in the playoffs for another team. “I’m sick of playing […]

Unger Conviction

  • New Pill Cures Hymnal Dysfunction
    January 2, 2019
  • Commuter Sets Record for Consecutive Days Dining Alone in Bible College Cafeteria
    February 1, 2024
  • For Some Reason Worship Leader Just Can’t Seem to Worship the Lord Without His $4000 Taylor
    June 29, 2020

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Enters Guinness Book of Records for Rapid Meat Canning
    March 20, 2022
  • Altona Votes to Adopt Knackzoat as Legal Tender
    June 10, 2021
  • Preservative Party of Canada to Select New Leader
    August 21, 2020

Unger the Influence

  • Trump Calls Andrew Unger “Untalented, Totally Not Funny,” Demands Cancellation of The Unger Review
    May 31, 2026
  • Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week
    May 30, 2026
  • Carney Just One MP Resignation Away From Minority Government the People Voted For
    May 29, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • Hopes of McDonald’s Dashed as Mennonite Children Told “We Have Perfectly Good Food at Home!”
    May 30, 2022
  • Mennonite Woman Awarded Top Prize in Annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival
    May 30, 2019
  • Warhol’s ‘Miriam’ Shatters Record, Sells for $195 Million
    May 11, 2022
  • Wall Family of La Crete Honoured to Have NYC Street Named After Them
    April 5, 2025

Trending

  • New UN Map Finally Shows Paraguay At Its Actual Size
    September 8, 2026
  • Prime Minister, Bryan Adams Share Roll Kuchen in Altona
    September 5, 2026
  • Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi
    September 3, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store
    September 2, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Canada Pays Off Entire Federal Debt One Day After Marijuana Legalization
    October 18, 2018
  • Trudeau to Teach Ethics Class at Local Community College this Fall
    August 14, 2019
  • Mennonite Woman Needs Weekend to Recover from Weekend
    October 15, 2025
  • “It was the most peculiar name we could come up with”: Elon Musk and Grimes Name New Baby ‘Corny’
    May 7, 2020
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Wab Kinew Returns to Steinbach to Mow the Boulevards

September 14, 2026

Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’

September 13, 2026

Premier Wab Kinew Finally Visits Steinbach Just as Every Local Politician is Mysteriously Out of Town

September 12, 2026

Mennonite Woman Mistakes MLCC for MCC

September 11, 2026

Mennonite Man to Gift Entire Province with Smell of Money

September 9, 2026

Unger Games

  • Hellebuyck Demands Chance to Shit the Bed in the Playoffs for Another Team
    September 15, 2026
  • Riders Get Called For ‘Too Many Mennonites’
    September 13, 2026
  • Connor Hellebuyck Demands Trade to Blumenort Menno Knights
    September 1, 2026
  • Massive Simon Hildebrandt Statue Appears Outside MBCI
    August 16, 2026
  • Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again
    July 15, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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