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Unger the Influence

Carney to Raze 72 Million Acres of Old Growth Forest to Make Copies of Guilbeault’s Resignation Letter

May 27, 2026

OTTAWA, ON Prime Minister Mark Carney has decided to raze more than 72 million acres of old growth forest in the province of British Columbia this week just to make sure every man, woman, and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Petro-Canada Introduces New Farmer Sausage-Scented Air Fresheners

May 26, 2026

ALTONA, MB A new formavorscht-scented car air freshener has been flying off the shelves at gas stations this past week, with Mennonites throughout the region eager to have their truck cabs smell of smoked meat. […]

Unger Conviction

  • Mennonite Church Sells New ‘What Would Jansen Do’ Bracelets
    April 21, 2019
  • Friesens Rush to be First for ‘Der Friedensfurst’
    December 18, 2020
  • Snow Finally Melts Freeing Up Precious Spots in Church Parking Lot
    April 23, 2019

Unger & Thirst

  • Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC
    September 16, 2025
  • Mennonite Family’s Been Eating Nothing but Mini Donuts for the Past Week
    June 19, 2022
  • Mennonite Man Discovers Potato and Cheese in His Perogies!
    December 7, 2019

Unger the Influence

  • Conservatives Form Majority Government
    April 14, 2026
  • “I thought it was me as a trajchtmoaka,” Trump says
    April 13, 2026
  • Mennonites Hired to Drain the Strait of Hormuz
    March 17, 2026

The Daily Bonnet

  • A List of Incredible Mennonite Superpowers
    June 19, 2018
  • Mennonites Scramble to Book the Common Room at Oma’s Manor for Upcoming Christmas Gatherings
    September 19, 2022
  • Car Air Conditioner to Face Off Against Heated Seat in Epic Battle this April
    April 20, 2017
  • Rare Plautdietsch Dictionary Nets $2.3 Million at Sotheby’s Auction
    January 29, 2018

Trending

  • Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup
    May 18, 2026
  • Baal Really Excited for New Statue in His Honour
    May 17, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman to Dust Entire Province of Manitoba
    May 15, 2026
  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026

Unger Suspicion

  • Millions Flee “Communist” Canada for a Better Life in Russia
    May 2, 2021
  • Seven Ways the Canadian Senate is Just Like Your Mennonite Elder Board
    June 9, 2019
  • Mennonite Man Perplexed by the Warm Soothing Sounds of Steve Bell
    December 15, 2022
  • DNA Testing Reveals Theologian Greg Boyd to be ‘90% Mennonite’
    October 26, 2016
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Andrew Unger Celebrates 10 Years of Schmaunt Fat Jokes

May 25, 2026

Ed Sullivan Theatre to Be Demolished and Replaced with Donald J. Trump Center for Free Speech

May 22, 2026

Potato Discovered in Mennonite Man’s Vereniki

May 21, 2026

Trump Really Excited About New $1.8 Billion Slush Fund

May 20, 2026

Mennonite Woman Permanently Trapped in New Landmark Roundabout

May 19, 2026

Unger Games

  • Winnipeg Metro Region Hoists Centennial Cup
    May 18, 2026
  • Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards
    May 13, 2026
  • Tariffs Move Leafs’ Pick from First to Sixty-Seventh
    May 6, 2026
  • Taber Arena Will No Longer Be Flooded With Schmaunt Fat After Winning Kraft Hockeyville
    April 5, 2026
  • Peters “Makes It to First Base” Giving Hope to Young Men Across Winkler
    April 4, 2026

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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