FORT KNOX, KY
It turns out that all the rumours about Fort Knox being empty were completely unfounded. In fact, not only was the place filled with treasure, something better than precious metals were discovered – a delicious Mennonite treat known as roll kuchen.
“I was a little surprised,” said Trump. “But pleasantly surprised. It was floor to ceiling roll kuchen. Everywhere. Golden syrup and watermelon, too. I don’t know who is responsible for this, but I suspect the ladies in Goessel, Kansas have something to do with it.”
It is thought to the be largest roll kuchen depository in the world, except for the infamous one in Gretna, Manitoba, of course
“I think it’s excellent. Very good. The greatest,” said Trump. “We’ve been wanting to move to a … and I don’t say this lightly … we’ve been wanting a roll kuchen standard for some time now. Very good. Tremendous. Tremendous.”
Forex traders flocked to the American dollar after the discovery was made public.
“I think there is no more stabilizing force for an economy than roll kuchen,” said economist Milton Friesen. “That stuff is better than gold.”
