TORONTO, ON
A controversial Aylmer-area “pastor” is set to receive Canada’s highest honour: a stained dirty star caked with gum somewhere on a urine-drenched Toronto sidewalk.
“After seeing all the good he’s been doing for this country, we knew we had to honour this man in some way,” said the committee chair. “Normally we give them fresh squeaky clean stars, but this time we spent a good six months making sure it was in appropriate condition.”
Although usually very clam and collected and not prone to outbursts, recipient Brother Hank was visibly upset upon hearing about the award.
“How dare they give me a star next to all the heathens,” proclaimed Brother Hank. “I bet the vast majority of those so-called stars follow the current health recommendations. Disgusting!”
Brother Hank feels all this attention he’s been getting is just another sign that he’s correct, he’s being persecuted, and that the end is near.
“This is clearly prophesied in the book of Jeremiah somewheres,” said Brother Hank. “And thee shall see a gum-stained star on Canada’s Walk of Fame.”
Meanwhile an Edmonton-area pastor is also looking forward to having his handsome visage carved into the Rocky Mountains.
(photo credit: Tabercil/Wikipedia/CC)
