AKRON, PA
Another day and yet another Mennonite music icon has sold their entire music catalogue to media giant Werner Music. Today, Plautdietsch hymn singer and master of the autoharp, Heinrich Berg, sold his publishing rights in exchange for a fifteen percent-off coupon at his local thrift store and whatever change Mr. Werner managed to scrounge up from his couch coupons.
“You’re going to be hearing a lot of my autoharping and nasal singing in commercials in the near future,” said Berg. “I’m sure they’re going to sell a lot knackzoat with my catchy tunes in the background.”
The news has sent shockwaves around the Mennonite music industry, as yet another music legend has sold their life’s work.
“I’m guessing it won’t be long before the big names sell out too,” said Mr. Werner. “We’re already in talks with EMC Hammer, Elton Johan, and Jimi Heinrichs.”
With his new earnings, Berg says he’s now “set up for life” and plans to relax, although he does still intend to perform on occasion as lead faasenja at the Chortitz Mennonite Church in Randolph.
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