ELKHART, IN
More than a dozen buggies full of angry-looking Mennonites pulled up at the Elkhart, Indiana mansion of former General Mennonite Brethren Conference USA moderator, Donald J. Troyer, this week.
“The MBI has credible evidence to suggest Mr. Troyer did not properly secure a valuable stash of recipes pertaining to Mrs. Bauman’s pie fillings,” explained MBI officer Harry Weaver. “We have a warrant from the head office in Holmes County, Ohio giving us permission to search the premises.”
The warrant also gave the MBI permission to look for the long lost hymn number 606.
“We don’t know what happened to it. It was misplaced decades ago, but I’m sure our team of hymn-sniffing dogs can track it down,” said Weaver. “I’m guessing we’ll uncover plenty of interesting items once we crack Mr. Troyer’s safe.”
The MBI team has already found a number of documents pertaining to the time the conference approved drums in church, and a really juicy memo explaining why Swiss and Russian Mennos just don’t seem to get along, which apparently has something to do with pickles.
“I know all the former Mennonite conference moderators are getting nervous,” said Weaver. “But I always say you have nothing to fear if you’ve got no fried donuts to hide.”
(photo credit: Ann Barker/CC)