It was all the way back in 1536 when Menno Simons sat down and wrote out all the rules for his new denomination, which included, of course, adult baptism, bland food, and a set of no more than a couple dozen surnames. Unfortunately for Simons, he did not know the full implications of these decisions. And, alas, here were are, almost 5 centuries later and, unless we were lucky enough to have been given the surname Funk or Wiebe or something, we’re stuck with a bunch of surnames that get more than a few laughs. Hey, but no worries, right? According to Nomi Nickel, our surnames are the probably the least embarrassing thing about us.
So, without further ado, here are the Top 5 Mennonite Surnames that Kind of Sound a Little Naughty if You’re Not a Mennonite and Don’t Know Any Better:
Bender – This Swiss Mennonite surname suggests an activity which no Mennonites would admit to partaking in. Notice that I said “admit.” The only benders we admit to having are an occasional fender bender, in which case we always blame the erratic driving of the Englisher who hit us. Otherwise, the term refers exclusively to the all night binge-eating of cheese.
Peters – This is mostly problematic when Oma is shouting for all the “wee little Peters” to come in for faspa. I really wish she’d just send a text message.
Fuchs – There are actually hundreds of Fuchs given on the Mennonite genealogy website Grandma Online. Personally I don’t give a single Fuchs that this surname actually means “fox.” It sounds fuchs’in naughty to me.
Harder – We work hard and pray hard. Any other use of this surname is highly inappropriate.
Dyck – This name is so suggestive that some folks have taken to spelling the name “Dueck” and pronouncing the name “Doo-eck.” This is understandable.
