HENDERSON, NE
Caught with a television set in their home this week by the church vice squad, the Friesens of Henderson, Nebraska claim they only really use the TV for the two allowable reasons – watching football and watching Billy Graham specials.
“Mostly Billy Graham, though,” said Mr. Friesen at his trial in the church basement. “I admit we have a TV, but it only comes on when George Beverly Shea is scheduled to appear.”
Friesen says he’s watched so many Billy Graham crusades over the years that he’s converted to Christianity close to 100 times.
“If I’m flipping through the channels and Billy Graham is on, I can’t help but leave it there,” said Friesen. “Either that or the Cornhuskers.”
Reassured that the TV was only used to view church-approved programs, the elders voted not to excommunicate the Friesens.
“They even said they’re bringing the French Onion dip on Sunday afternoon,” said Friesen. “There’s a really good Dwight L. Moody special we want to watch.”
In other news, the Friesens were also caught with a pool table, which they claim is only used to hold all the jello salads during Friesen family potlucks.
