Every town has one – an unofficial community Facebook group where folks ask questions they could have Googled in about five seconds. In Steinbach, the most popular one is called “Wow Steinbach” which mostly consists of people asking when various stores are open or closed. Recently, however, the page offered a new feature–the ability to post anonymously–which has led to a barrage of ridiculous questions. Almost every day I’m screen-capturing a comment and sending it to Erin, with the question, “who the heck are these people?”
As baffling as these comments are, they are entertaining. Here’s a selection of comments for your entertainment, complete with sarcastic replies by Andrew Unger. (Some comments/questions have been paraphrased or edited for content and length, but all of them are real.)
“Is there erotic bingo around here? That would be so much fun.”
Oh, yeah, I can see that going over real well in the MB Church basement.
“Anyone know how to get ahold of Mr. Bean? Email address would be appreciated.”
The first place I look when I’m seeking out fictional characters and/or British film stars is a bunch of random people in rural southern Manitoba.
“Is there anyone in the area that could make a colourful male genital … I would like to support local.”
You know, when I’m buying fake colourful male genitals, I too like to support local. This is giving me ideas for next year’s Clearspring Mall Christmas Craft Sale.
“Do we have any nude beaches around here?”
Do the Grunthal Pits count?
“Where can one find frozen dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets?”
I’m not sure. I’m much more interested in dinosaur-shaped vereniki.
“Where can you make friends in Steinbach? I don’t work, don’t drink, don’t go to church, and don’t ever leave the house. It’s so hard to make friends in this town.”
Try the comment section on The Unger Review. I’ve even seen a few marriage proposals there.
“Anybody have a leaky gut and have a solution for it?”
There are these people we call physicians.
“For those who purchase Walmart bras, how do they hold up?”
Don’t know. I buy all my bras at the MCC.
“Does anyone know where I can get my dog’s anal gland expressed?”
Try Walmart.
