WINNIPEG, MB
Winnipegers were relieved to discover that all the recently closed 7/11 stores are going to reopen as Tim Hortons.
“If I can’t get a bean burrito and a Slurpee,” said area man Art Koop, “at least I’ll be able to snag a Boston Cream.”
In order to reduce theft, which was apparently the problem at 7/11, all the new Tim Hortons restaurants will be equipped with Timbit-wielding security guards.
“And if that doesn’t work,” said Koop, “I hear they’re just going to shut it all down and replace it with a Robin’s. Everyone better behave because no one wants that.”
The new 7/11 x Tim Hortons will feature a special new drink consisting of puréed and frozen sour cream glazed donuts.