OTTAWA, ON
Thousands of Mennonites across Canada were excited to hear that Parliament is going to be “perogied” until March. The new “perogied” status means that Members of Parliament will basically do nothing but eat perogies for the next twelve weeks.
“I would have preferred that they verenikied Parliament, but a pergoied Parliament will have to do,” said Dave Epp, MP for Chatham-Kent-Leamington. “All I ask is that Trudeau leaves us a little schmaunt fat.”
Provencher MP Ted Falk was initially critical of the move, but says he’s come around to the idea.
“At first I thought this was just another one of Trudeau’s attempts at prolonging the inevitable,” said Falk, “but when I found out that perogies would be involved, I realized this move may not be as self-serving as I thought. After all, everyone knows Justin Trudeau subsists mostly on avocado toast.”
Over on the (basically) west coast, Abbotsford MP Ed Fast is optimistic about the move.
“I’m just hoping these are cottage cheese perogies,” said Fast. “They last thing I want is nothing but potato and cheddar for the next three months.”
Shockingly, Saskatoon West MP Brad Redekopp did not align with his colleagues’ sentiments.
“If I want perogies, I don’t need to go to Ottawa,” said Redekopp. “I can just go through the drive-thru at Baba’s Homestyle Perogies whenever I want.”
