OTTAWA, ON
Just moments after ascending to the throne, new Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney announced an important new set of warning labels to be displayed on all food products in the country.
“We want to make sure consumers are well informed,” said Carney. “That’s why we’re asking producers to include warning labels for all common allergens such as nuts, soy, and anything made in the USA.”
The news came as a relief for many Canadians with an allergy to buying American.
“I’m not quite sure what’s causing it, but we’ve seen a huge increase in American allergies lately,” said Carney. “It’s unprecedented … or should I say unPresidented?”
For Mrs. Reimer of Leamington, Ontario, the warning label has been a long time coming.
“I’ve had an aversion to American products ever since the whole Heinz fiasco,” said Reimer. “I’m glad our government is doing what they can to keep us safe.”
Reimer says she can’t quite explain it, but somehow her nut and dairy allergy has completely disappeared while her allergy to any American product has just gotten out of control.
