FREDRICTON, NB
Reverend Unrau was called out of the adult Prayer Class yet again this Sunday after his son Timothy socked two other boys in the nose and called little Lisa Wilson a “Poopyface.” It was the fifth Sunday in a row that the pastor’s son had to be taken out and disciplined by his father.
“It’s like my sermons are having no effect on him whatsoever,” said Rev. Unrau. “Ruth and I try, I tell you, but no matter what we do, we just can’t get through to that boy.”
The Unraus read two Bible chapters to their son every morning and night and Timothy is often expected to help set up the chairs for faspa while the other children play, but despite this godly upbringing, Timothy is the worst of the bunch.
“I don’t get it. The Campbells feed their kids junk and let them rot their brains on cartoons every Saturday morning. Meanwhile our Timothy is expected to get up at seven and do his devotions,” said the baffled father, “and somehow our kid is the bad one. I just don’t understand!”
Timothy is reportedly also starting to get into hip-hop music, which has caused considerable controversy with the church board.
“We can’t have a pastor’s son listening to that kind of filth,” explained Elder Steeves. “If our pastor can’t control his own son, how can we expect him to lead this congregation?”
In order to keep his job at the church, Reverend Unrau is desperate to fix his son and considering sending him back to Manitoba to live with Grandma.
“She’s the one that straightened me out,” said the Reverend. “If she can’t fix Timothy, no one can.”
