OTTAWA, ON
In order to address the “unacceptable diversity of opinions on social issues” in Canada, the Trudeau government has recently passed a law requiring all Bible camps to be shut down and re-opened as government “reeducation camps.”
“We do not want the children of our nation to stray from the glorious teachings of our dear leader Justin,” said a Canadian government spokesperson. “This is why it is better to have no camps at all then to educate a future generation of Bible-believing Christians.”
The new reeducation camps, known as “Trudeau Youth,” will feature rote memorization and daily recitation of Liberal Party platform….at least the stuff they haven’t changed since the campaign.
“Trudeau Youth camps won’t feature the usual Bible sword drills, zip lines, and canoes, but, instead will focus on regurgitation of whatever the heck we feel like these little scamps should believe,” said the rep. “God forbid these children get some influence from their parents or church.”
Harkening back to his days as a drama teacher, the Prime Minister himself has contributed a 40 minute play entitled Oh, Justin, How I Love Thee; Let Me Count the Ways, which all campers will be required to rehearse and perform.
“We’re also getting rid of all the Kumbaya garbage,” said Mr. Trudeau. “From now it’s nothing but ‘The Internationale’ and a brand new song called ‘Trudeau Über Alles.'”
The new camps will be open July 1, just in time for Canada Day and legal weed.
(photo credit: Mohammad Jangda/CC)
