ST. JACOBS, ON
Disregarding centuries of Mennonite tradition, the small Anabaptist town of St. Jacobs, Ontario just passed a law banning the wearing of socks with sandals. The new legislation sent shockwaves across the Mennonite community.
“For too long we’ve let socks and sandals cohabitate on the feet of middle-aged Mennonite men,” said local elder Heinrich Brubacher. “It’s gone on long enough. From now on, you have a choice: sandals and bare feet or socks with rubber boots.”
The new law came into effect after a complaint was made by the Mennonite women in town.
“Our husbands have absolutely no fashion sense whatsoever,” said Mrs. Wenger. “If our constant nagging couldn’t convince our husbands to wear some proper footwear, then we had no choice but to get the elders involved.”
The issue came to a head during a recent foot-washing service during which time the water bucket had to be emptied and refilled more than ten times after overflowing with sock lint.
“Not to mention the dozens of pictures of socks and sandals-clad Mennonite men that appeared on Instagram,” said Brubacher. “The tourists used to photograph our buggies and black hats, but lately they’ve been completely obsessed with our socks and sandals. It had to end.”
So far the men of St. Jacobs have complied with the new law, though some are considering a countersuit.
“If we can’t wear the socks with the sandals,” said Mr. Lichti, “then the women shouldn’t be able to wear brown nylons with sneakers. Fair is fair.”
