WASHINGTON, DC
American universities will be shuttering their doors this week as people flock to much more reliable sources of knowledge: random crap found on the Internet. Rather than being educated by qualified experts in their fields, the American public has decided it was best if everyone just got all their information from YouTube and memes.
“They’re all biased, those universities,” said local YouTube educated man Mr. Kehler. “But you know what’s no biased? Some YouTuber I found who happens to confirm everything I already think … plus implants a few new conspiracy theories on the way.”
Kehler is happy with the new university closure saying it was better to have no doctors, artists, and engineers at all, rather than have well-informed and highly educated ones.
“All that education does it warp your mind!” said Mr. Kehler. “After binge-watching more than 500 hours of alt-right YouTubers in the last couple months, I can finally see how manipulated and brainwashed everyone else is.”
Kehler is really excited about his upcoming surgery, which will be performed by his cousin Bob who learned all about it in some YouTube video just a few minutes ago.
“The more educated, the more stupid. That’s what I always say,” said Mr. Kehler, dropping his drawers for the surgery. “When it comes to your health, you should never take any chances. You’ve always got to make sure to Google it before performing a vasectomy.”