OTTAWA, ON
Eager to capitalize on this hip new technology he just discovered called “texting,” Conservative leader Andrew Scheer sent, like, totally everyone in the country a really stupid cat meme he happened to find amusing.
“Hey, Beliebers! It’s your pal, Andrew Scheer. OMG OMG! You’ve just gotta check out this meme! ROFL!” said the message sent to all 37,000,000 Canadians this morning.
Subsequent messages sent to everyone in the country included a warning to “fill your tanks before the prices get hella mad,” and another one describing how he was going to “totally slay it” in the next election.
“You gotta stay hip if you wanna reach people,” said Scheer. “Hey, peeps, follow back on Insta, please!”
Scheer also opened up a SnapChat account where he posted a video of a cat playing with a plunger and an audio recording expressing his apparent intentions of “gettin’ totally crunk AF tonight!”
Scheer also invited everyone to an upcoming Conservative fundraising banquet that he says “is gonna be absolutely lit!”