LEAMINGTON, ON
Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever.
“I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said local restaurant owner Wendy Froese, spraying down a booth. “But, hey, I can’t deny their right to plop down pantsless and order a burrito or two.”
Anti-pantsers are so common in these parts, that businesses have started handing out free gitch to anyone who forgot to bring theirs.
“It happens to the best of us,” said Froese. “You leave the house and then halfway to Walmart you realize you’ve forgotten your gitch.”
The action of anti-pantsers has upset some locals, who view the act of applying naked butt cheeks to Naugahyde as potentially unsanitary.
“Mrs. Friesen was stuck on like glue,” said Froese. “It got so bad we had to call in the Wiebe boys to pry her off the seat.”
Anti-pantsers are petitioning the provincial government to let them live how they want to live and Maxime Bernier has already declared his full support for people to go as pantsless as they so choose.
(photo credit: GoToVan/CC)