GRETNA, MB
Southern Manitoba’s most popular shopping centre in Gretna, Manitoba has gone to extreme lengths to get rid of the teens who’ve been loitering in the parking lot this spring. To address this problem, the mall has set up larger speakers and are blasting German hymns.
“We’re playing old choir recordings from MCI,” said mall spokesperson Diane Redekop. “That’ll keep the teens away, I’m sure.”
According to the mall, the most effective hymns at scaring away the teens are Nun danket alle Gott,Mit Ernst, O Menschenkinder, and O Haupt Voll Blut Und Wunden.
“So some reason, we’ve also had a lot of luck with Muss Ich Geh’n Mit Leeren Händen,” said Redekop. “I’m glad it works, but I don’t know what they don’t like about it. Maybe the fact it’s missing a guest appearance by rapper NF. Who knows what the kids like these days?”
The plan, it seems, have backfired, however, as the mall now has the problem of hundreds of area seniors sitting in the parking lot to enjoy the music.
“There’s so much zoat, I don’t know what do to with it,” said Diane Redekop. “It’s a bigger problem than when we were dealing with the students. We’re stuck with the seniors now. It’s not like I can just tell them to quit dawdling and get back to Mr. Reimer’s grade 11 history class.”
