ABBOTSFORD, BC
As of July 1 this year, the government of British Columbia will decriminalize possession of up to 2.5 grams of cabbage borscht, so long as it’s for personal use.
“Borscht is a health issue,” said BC MLA Glen Penner. “We have to stop thinking of borscht users as criminals. They’re people just like you and I who happen to have a problem with borscht.”
Borscht dealers in the Fraser Valley were happy with the news. Finally they’ll be able to carry small quantities of borscht without risking being thrown in the MB church basement for the weekend.
“Mrs. Neufeld is especially excited about the news,” said Penner. “We’re hoping to have her borscht-possession record expunged so she can finally visit the States again. The second-hand clothing stores in Bellingham are really looking forward to the return of Mrs. Neufeld.”
Some folks, however, fear the new relaxed laws will have people openly consuming borscht on Abbotsford streets.
“It’s already a problem on the Northview parking lot after the service,” said Mrs. Kroeker. “And you should see Columbia Bible College on Friday nights. Soup bowls and crackers all over the place. Borscht as far as the eye can see!”
So far only komst borscht has been decriminalized, with “harder borscht” like beet and somma still waiting for approval.