PARIS, FRANCE
The white roux known as béchamel sauce has been revealed to be nothing more than the Russian Mennonite peasant dish known as schmaunt fat. The revelation sent shockwaves across the haute cuisine community.
“Oba nay!” exclaimed Chef Alain Ducasse, who immediately rescinded his Michelin stars upon hearing the news. “To think that my sophisticated French sauce can be found on the pages of the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook, well I never!”
But it was true, the recipe for schmaunt fat and béchamel sauce are literally the same, which also had some Mennonites concerned.
“Dietschlaund! I’m not French, I’m Mannanite!” said Mr. Froese. “I guess we got a little close back in the Belgium days, but ever since then I’ve been staying as far away from the French as I possibly can!”
In other news, vereniki has been revealed to be nothing more than Ukrainian perogies with cottage cheese and farmer sausage has been shown be a variation on kielbasa.
“The next thing you know, they’re going to claim chicken noodle soup is not our own thing!” said Froese. “Well, let me tell you, adding star anise to the recipe is no small feat.”
The French government was so disturbed by the findings that they ordered all restaurants to discard the béchamel and serve a hollandaise sauce instead.