LA CRETE, AB
Renowned Mennonite sex educator Susanna Janzen, 91, will be honoured at the morning service this Sunday for her tireless dedication to keep Mennonites from finding out anything about sex until well after their wedding day and sometimes for years after that.
“For more than five decades she’s hosted a radio phone-in show where Mennonites call in to find out about sex and Janzen just hangs up on them,” said church elder and huge Susanna Janzen fan Peter Siemens. “I can think of no greater service to the sheltering of Mennonite minds than Ms. Janzen.”
Janzen also published a number of Mennonite sex manuals, which were completely blank, except for a handful of Bible verses.
“She’s also the one that plastered those Chastity signs all over the Pembina Valley,” said Siemens. “When it comes to keeping Mennonites from find out about the birds and bees, there’s no one more gifted than Susanna Janzen.”
Despite Janzen’s best efforts, most Mennonite families have upwards of 20 children or more.
“I can’t help them from educating themselves,” said Janzen. “All I can say is they didn’t hear about it from me, that’s for sure.”
The ceremony to honour the Mennonite world’s greatest sex educator will be this Sunday after faspa and a quick meddachschlop.
