WINKLER, MB
Boat loads of Mennonite refugees are once again fleeing their homes for what they believe will be a much better life in the desert someplace where they don’t have to wear masks between the door and table at a restaurant or get a vaccine to attend a live professional football game.
“How else do we maintain our identity as a persecuted people group, unless we continually come up with trivial grievances with the Canadian government?” said Bishop Wiens. “This is why I am pleased to announce the establishment of the Trifling Concerns Committee, whose sole purpose is to prop up my authority, concoct elaborate conspiracy theories that maintain this authority, and to spend their days making mountains out of molehills!”
Bishop Wiens and the Trifling Concerns Committee have been sharing their findings in compelling videos on WhatsApp, which, for some reason, also feature grave warnings about pleated skirts.
“Once again we must flee like the Israelites to the desert,” said Bishop Wiens with sweat from his furrowed brow. “Down with masks and pleated skirts! Up with freedom and sweltering desert heat!”
Bishop Wiens says they’re going to wander the desert for 40 years or at least until sometime later this full when all his followers realize he’s full of crap and is wrong about everything yet again.