KITCHENER, ON
Millions of Canadians breathed a sigh of relief this week after they found out their devilishly-high phone bills would still arrive at their doorsteps like usual.
“Don’t you worry your pretty little hearts about it,” said Bell CEO David Schmidt. “We’re going to get those phone bills couriered on over to you. Gotta have the essentials, amirite?”
Rogers and Telus also sent out messages in an attempt to calm concerned Canadians.
“Whether the bill arrives in the mail or not,” said Rogers CEO Roger Rogers, “you can rest assured we’re taking half your paycheque like usual.”
The news came as a relief to area woman Dorothy Eby of Kitchener, who says she loves being price-gouged, especially this time of year.
“I was worried I might not get my phone bill,” said Eby. “But you know, if there’s one good thing about living in Canada it’s knowing that postal strike or not, we’re still going to be paying among the world’s highest phone rates for the world’s worst service.”
(photo credit: Aaron Fulkerson/CC)