REGINA, SK
Super Bowl ratings tanked this Sunday as all 40 million Canadians boycotted the show in favour of watching Grey Cup reruns.
“I’ve got the 1989 Grey Cup on a VHS tape somewhere I think,” said Bobby Doerksen of Regina. “All I can say is go Riders!”
The move to boycott all American products has meant that even Torontonians are watching Canada’s professional football league for the first time in decades.
“1991, that was the Rocket Ismail year, right?” said Barb Klassen of Toronto. “I haven’t watched the CFL since then, but now is not the time to be supporting Trump’s America, so Argos it is.”
Reports indicate a small handful of Canadian were caught watching the Super Bowl, but were reported to Canada’s new Gridiron Czar and promptly arrested.
“We all need to do our part,” said Klassen. “They call it the Super Bore anyway, don’t they?”
Meanwhile in Winnipeg, locals are planning to re-watch the last three Grey Cups and swear at their television sets.