ALTONA, MB In an effort to capitalize on the latest fad diet, the ladies at the local Mennonite church have decided to rebrand ‘The EMMC Ladies Cookbook’ as simply ‘Cooking Keto.’ The ladies decided to […]
STEINBACH, MB After dozens of people have taken ill from E. coli-tainted romaine lettuce, Steinbach city council decided it was time to see how locals felt about this dangerous and addictive substance. “We’re gonna do […]
ROSENORT, MB After a stellar performance by Darren Loeppky in the EMC gymnasium this evening, one lucky member of the congregation is being awarded a million dollars, payable in farmer sausage over the next twenty […]
WASHINGTON, DC In his greatest act of selflessness and humility since taking the Oval Office, President Donald Trump pardoned a delicious Hutterite-raised turkey today. Trump will now have to dine on inferior store-bought turkeys this […]
ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry has decided they’ve given up on mercury and decided to replace element 80 with the dry Mennonite bread known has zwieback. “It’s one of the […]
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