VANCOUVER, BC
The chef at Vancouver’s top restaurant has been feeding the city’s elite for years with his delectable selection of charcuterie. Unfortunately, chef Pierre’s ego took a big hit this weekend after a trip to neighbouring Abbotsford.
“I got invited to something called ‘faspa’,” said Pierre, “which I learned was a meal consisting of deli meats and dill pickles held in a stuffy church basement. And in dawned on me, as I buttered my raisin bun, that the charcuterie plate I’ve been charging $39.99 for at my restaurant was really just ‘fancy faspa.'”
The epiphany had chef Pierre making major changes to his Vancouver restaurant.
“From now on, no more iberico ham and pheasant terrine,” said Pierre. “Instead, we’re going to offer rolled-up slices of mystery meat and a delectable array of mild cheddar. We’re still charging 40 bucks but, you know…”
Chef Pierre assures customers that only the finest cuts of bologna will make it onto our Mennonite charcuterie board, which will be served on Styrofoam plates to keep things “authentic.”
“We invite everyone to overpay for our new ‘faspa board’,” said Pierre. “For an additional charge of $52, we will be happy to pair your faspa with our sommelier’s finest selection of Welch’s.”
The restaurant charges a $20 corkage fee if you want to bring your own church basement red juice.