MOSCOW, RUSSIA
“Christian” man Vladimir Putin has graciously decided to stop killing fellow Christians for a full fifteen minutes this Easter Sunday.
“This is a time when we pause to reflect on our Lord and Saviour the Prince of Peace Jesus Christ,” said devout “Christian” Vladimir Putin. “So, of course, we’re going to pause the killing of other Christians for a couple minutes at least.”
The news was met with overwhelming support across Christendom.
“I cannot think of any better other example of Christ’s love and sacrifice than for a tyrannical despot masquerading as a Christian to stop killing for a short while on Easter Sunday,” said area man Heinrich Sawatzky. “It bring tears to my eyes.”
The mass slaughter of Christians by other “Christians” is expected to last at least long enough sing a few hymns and maybe even recite a prayer or two this Sunday.
“It’s just so beautiful to see the love and generosity of Christ manifest itself like this,” said Sawatzky. “I expect to see the presence of the Lord everywhere for the next ten to fifteen minutes.”
Putin has reassured his fellow “Christians” that he plans to continue the slaughter just as soon as the Easter service is over.
(photo credit: ResoluteSupportMedia/CC)