WINNIPEG, MB
New documents suggest that a local church group hired a Private Investigator last month to dig up dirt on every Klassen in the Province of Manitoba.
“It’s always good to keep tabs on the Klassens. You never know what they’re up to,” said Reverend Thiessen. “Inadequate tithing? Shooting twenties from the top of the five zone? Watering down the Welch’s? It could be anything!”
Manitoba Klassens are concerned about the excessive nosiness.
“Last week it was pretty obvious someone had been rooting through our garbage,” said Mr. Klassen. “I thought it was a racoon, but as it turns out, it was some sketchy dude hired by Rev. Thiessen! All they found was a few watermelon rinds and a receipt for my monthly knackzoat order.”
The Klassens, however, are baffled as to why they’ve become the subject of this investigation.
“Plus, I really don’t understand why they bothered to hire a PI,” said Mr. Klassen. “All you have to do is ask Mrs. Friesen, and you’ll have all the information you could ever ask for.”
Unable to find anything too incriminating about the Klassens, Thiessen says they’re going to move on to the Wiebes, Ungers and Duecks until they find something juicy.
