OTTAWA, ON
Churches across Canada have been up in arms and are demanding that the federal government fund “all proselytizing efforts” with tax-payer’s money. An online petition sponsored by Life Site News has demanded that all Canadian national parks, from Banff and Jasper to Riding Mountain and Mount Tremblant, be turned into Bible camps that “preach the Word to the lost!”
“We absolutely believe in freedom of religion and the separation of church and state,” said Evangelical leader John Woodward. “That is why we demand that the government divert funds needed for hospitals and schools to create Bible camps across the country!”
The group plans to teach Canadian kids how to sing Larry Norman songs, paddle a canoe without tipping, and resist the urge to make out with that Loewen girl in the bushes.
“Banff Bible Camp is going to be fantastic!” said one kid from Alberta. “I can’t wait to get my sleeping bag and roast marshmallows in the lobby of the Banff Springs Hotel!”
Instead of funding the camps through private donors and requiring campers to memorize verses to prove their worth, the new Bible camps will be staffed with government workers pretending to be Christians just so they can get a summer job.
“We are returning the nation to its glory,” said Woodward, who also claims to be a libertarian. “Just remember: taxation is theft! Therefore, tax money should be spend on Bible camps. Makes perfect sense, right?”
So far only Alberta has agreed to comply with the demands.
(photo credit: m01299/CC)
