LANCASTER, PA
Cousin Aganetha has been barred from ever attending another Sunday afternoon Dutch Blitz match after it was discovered she had been flipping over just two cards at a time from the “Wood Pile” in her hand.
“I can’t believe that Aggie. The nerve of that woman, flipping over just two cards at time!” exclaimed cousin Helen. “If I had my way she’d never be allowed in Lancaster county again!”
Apparently Aggie had been doing this for years, but with the blisteringly fast pace of the game no one had noticed until now.
“We all experience times when there’s just nothing to play in your hand, but that doesn’t mean you start cheating!” yelled cousin Helen. “If this doesn’t warrant a church discipline meeting then I don’t know what does!”
Cousin Aganetha became so adept at flipping just two cards at a time that she had to deliberately lose a few matches once in a while so the others wouldn’t get suspicious.
“It ain’t easy being the Dutch Blitz Queen, but someone’s gotta do it,” said Aganetha. “I mean, everyone else should be grateful for my cheating. I single-handedly prevented those losers from committing the sin of pride.”
Local Dutch Blitz matches will now be closely scrutinized with surveillance cameras and instant replay in order to ensure that such violations never occur again.
“Us Mennonites have a long legacy of fair play and sportsmanship,” said cousin Helen. “And we sure as heck aren’t going to let Aggie’s two-card flipping taint the great and sacred game of Dutch Blitz!”
