KITCHENER, ON
Concerned citizen Mr. Yoder of Lancaster is livid this week after discovering that Canadians celebrate the 4th of July a full three days early.
“It’s disgusting! Those Canadians have no patriotism at all!” said Yoder! “Plus their version of the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’ is way off!”
Yoder claims he witnessed a few Canadians from Kitchener on Facebook who were “carrying on and having a good time complete with a mesmerizing display of fireworks!”
“As far as I’m concerned, if those Canadians don’t love our country and celebrate our holidays, they can pack their bags and go live in some other country!” proclaimed Yoder. “We just don’t have room for that kind of division!”
Yoder also noted the Canadians were waving around some kind of strange red and white flag with a leaf on it.
“First they celebrate the 4th of July before the rest of us have a chance, and then they deface our flag!” said Yoder. “What’s next? They’re gonna write their own constitution with their own laws! Those Canadians have just no sense of pride for our country!”