OTTAWA, ON
Starting this August, the federal government will be enforcing decades old legislation that requires all credit union workers to refrain from speaking English, a language reserved exclusively for banks.
“Only actual bankers will be allowed to speak English,” said a government spokesperson. “We don’t want anyone walking into a credit union thinking they’re in a bank. Credit union workers better learn Plautdietsch pronto, because after August 1, absolutely no English will be allowed to be spoken on the premises!”
The legislation bans any English words from being uttered in a credit union or within fifteen metres of the entranceway.
“From now on you’ll be managing people’s jelt and must greet each customers with a hearty ‘goondach.’ Anything else and you can expect a hefty fine,” said the rep. “You can call yourselves en bankea if you want, but I better not catch you saying it in English.”
In response to the new legislation all the credit unions in southern Manitoba said they didn’t think the new law would affect their business at all.
(photo credit: William Murphy/CC/Modified)