EBENHORST, SK
A deceased Mennonite man from Ebenhorst has absolutely no clue his death and funeral is being used as an excuse by zealous young pastor Jim to emotionally manipulate the audience towards repentance.
“Hey, what can I say? Whatever works, right?” explains Pastor Jim. “What better place to launch into a fire and brimstone sermon than at Mr. Klassen’s funeral? Am I right?”
The deceased is currently unable to protest and tell off the pastor like he normally would because he’s a little indisposed at the moment.
“With all eyes bowed and all eyes closed,” began Pastor Jim. “Wait a minute? Can we get the choir to sing while I’m doing this? Okay. Let me start again…”
Pastor Jim didn’t mention the deceased once during his entire sermon, except to say that if loved ones and relatives wanted to meet him again they sure as heck better come forward before the choir got to the end of ‘Just As I Am’.
“I’ve been tracking the data and we get great numbers at funerals,” says Pastor Jim. “Much better than the time I tried to convert the entire Johnson family when that Wiebe girl married out of the faith.”
Pastor Jim is sticking around after the service at the front near the casket in case anyone needs to talk.