LEAMINGTON, ON
Art Berg, 31, of Leamington, Ontario has a message for the world: “My mom’s vereniki are the best in the world yet!” The message, which he’s plastered on several billboards in the Leamington area, has been met with considerable opposition.
“Lock that man up!” said Mr. Driedger. “He’s obviously got a few screws loose. Everybody knows that Mrs. Driedger makes the best vereniki!”
Still, Mr. Berg was not deterred, saying that there was just something about the way his mom caressed the dough that made her vereniki extra special.
“Once you’ve tasted my mom’s vereniki, you’ll never go back to being satisfied with just whatever mediocre vereniki your mom happens to make!” said Mr. Berg. “Plus, I just can’t get enough of my mom’s schmaunt fat!”
Several friends of Mr. Berg are worried he might have a bit of an issue and have referred him to the pastor for counselling.
“I see this all the time,” said Pastor Sigmund Friesen. “The young male Mennonite develops a rivalry with his father for his mother’s vereniki. After a while, he starts to resent, even hate his father who, in his eyes, seems to take all the vereniki that are rightfully his. This stage is natural and normal, but if a child becomes stuck, they may develop peculiar habits as seen in Mr. Berg here.”
Mr. Berg has been officially diagnosed with a Vereniki Complex and Rev. Dr. Sigmund Friesen is hoping that some dream analysis may help him.
“I think we have some things to work through,” said Rev. Dr. Friesen. “He told me he dreams of nothing but formavorscht.”