STEINBACH, MB
The doctor shortage in southern Manitoba has finally been solved as thousands of people in the area are now apparently fully-fledged medical experts.
“We’ve seen a huge surge in medical expertise, not just here in Manitoba, but around the globe,” said Dr. Wiebe. “You know, I think I might as well retire and let Uncle Dan or Taunte Helen or whoever take over. Based on their comments on the Steinbach Community Facebook page, I have no doubt they can handle things from here…”
In the past six months, every time a news article is posted about masks or virus cases or vaccines, dozens of new medical experts are born.
“It’s a miracle, really,” said Dr. Wiebe. “I always thought it took many years of training to become a doctor, but I now know that any trucker or Tupperware seller or beer league curler can become a medical expert simply by watching a couple YouTube videos that confirm their biases and repeating online what they want to be true.”
The surge in doctors has meant that the thousands of Manitobans on the waiting list can finally see a physician.
“Some guy named Dwayne, who’s been a medical expert since about the middle of April, will be seeing patients in his single-car garage on Reimer Avenue beginning November 1st,” explained Dr. Wiebe. “Meanwhile, we’ve got a three-quarters of a local country gospel quartet who will be conducting surgery in the youth room at the EMBC church on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. Vasectomies? Bunion surgery? You name it, they can do it. We’ve got Susan from the church library administering the anesthetics and Uncle Jake operating the MRI machine.”
Dozens of southern Manitoba doctors have reportedly quit their jobs since everyone seems to no longer need their services.