WASHINGTON, DC
After months of negotiation, President Trump has finally been able to pass his controversial tax reform bill. The bill offers sweeping changes to who gets taxed in America and by how much.
“I mean, if someone’s willing to walk around town making a fool of themselves wearing this stupid ugly hat, they deserve a tax break,” explained Trump. “The money will then trickle down from the disgusting yellowed sweatband to everyone else.”
In order to be eligible for the tax break, citizens must have seven documented instances of hat-wearing before the end of the 2017. This could be anything from a political rally, church bingo night, or midnight Walmart shopping spree.
“We’re expecting photographic evidence of your hat-wearing. Just mail your hat pictures to the IRS when you file your taxes,” said Trump. “And it better be a real Trump hat; not some made-in-China knockoff!”
Trump is also expecting residents to submit a double-spaced three-page essay explaining what time period America should return to. Options include: “America the Great: Colonialism and Genocide Years”; “America the Great: The Slavery Years”; or “America the Great: the Segregation Years.”
(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)