WASHINGTON, DC
After more than a year in office with little success working the rough soil of Washington, President Trump is now seeking new innovative measures to drain the swamp and has hired more than 100 experienced Mennonite farmers to do the job.
“They drained swamps from the Vistula Delta to the East Reserve and everywhere in between,” said Trump. “If they can’t drain the swamp in Washington, no one can.”
Mennonite crews were already active this morning building dykes and channelling water on the streets of Washington, DC.
“We’re going to make this city irrigable again,” said Mennonite farmer Richard Dyck. “You’ll see, before long they’ll be growing alfalfa as high as the Lincoln Memorial!”
Trump promised the Mennonites full exemption from military service if they turned Washington into a Paradise on Earth like southern Manitoba.
“They’re tremendous workers, those Mennonites,” said Trump. “Who knows, after this, I might even have them renovate Trump Tower.”
While the men drained the swamp, more than a hundred Mennonite women baked schnetke buns for the entire US Senate.