LANCASTER, PA
The Pennsylvania Supreme Court has recently ruled that all Dutch Blitz players in the region must sport full body armour from now on.
“This is for your own good. It’s for your own protection,” said Supreme Court justice Wallace. “We can’t have any more incidents like we did last winter where we lost a dozen Amish and more than two dozen Mennonites to Dutch Blitz.”
Dutch Blitz-related injuries have soared the past year, prompting law-makers to step in and protect the citizens.
“Either you wear the armour or you sit on the sidelines and eat zweiback,” said Wallace. “I won’t have any more injured Mennonites on my watch.”
Mennonites were initially reluctant to accept the new measures as the metal armour can be cumbersome and slow down the pace of the game.
“If it slows them down a little bit, then good,” said Wallace. “Part of the problem was the sheer speed at which they were playing those cards.”
Dutch Blitz players can purchase the full body armour from their local Wal-Mart or Mennonite church book store.