CAPE CANAVERAL, FL
Pioneering SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk launched a Mennonite buggy, complete with five grumpy members of the local church elder board, into outer space on Friday. The historic launch is the first of many, with the eventual goal of establishing a peaceful Mennonite community on Mars.
“If you check our website, we’ve got a livestream of the elders orbiting the earth as we speak,” said Musk. “By next week Tuesday they will have travelled well over 4 million miles, which is officially the third longest journey in Mennonite history after the Great Trek and Claas Epp Jr.’s misguided sojourn into Central Asia.”
The elders were nominated by their home churches for the project, and each one was supplied with freeze dried packets of schmaunt fat and plumi moos to keep them nourished on their trip. Each elder was also given a Gideon’s Bible and a picture of their wife.
“They’re well taken care of up there, let me tell you,” said Musk. “If they ever come back, I guarantee they’ll be changed men.”
The elders are unable to communicate directly with us back home, though Elder Friesen appeared to give the “okay” sign with his hands earlier this morning.
“They’re having a blast,” said Musk. “I think most of them appreciate the fact they’ve got no chores to do anymore…and they’re millions of miles away from any sin.”
The elders plan to water the horse when they reach the International Space Station. While there, they also plan to convert the Russians to Anabaptism.