WASHINGTON, DC
It seems the vacant Supreme Court spot has been filled much quicker than expected, as Trump and his Republican majority Senate rushed to approve the only nominee they knew they would have no trouble controlling: this faceless Amish doll.
“We really like what the faceless Amish doll has to offer,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “She’s had nary a scandal in her entire political career, and I’m pretty sure she’s a social conservative.”
This particular faceless Amish doll was purchased for ten dollars by a White House intern at a souvenir shop in Lancaster County just last week.
“We know the Dems aren’t going to like her,” said McConnell. “For some reason they keep nominating people with faces. But, tough! Faceless Amish Doll is our nominee and she’ll give us a 6-3 majority on the Supreme Court. Plus she bakes a mean donut!”
After just a couple days on the Supreme Court, Faceless Amish Doll has already shown signs of life and has been creating trouble for the Republicans.
“What the heck, Faceless Amish Doll!” yelled McConnell. “This is truly outrageous! We don’t appoint Faceless Amish dolls to think for themselves!”
So far, Faceless Amish Doll has reportedly voted against almost everything she was appointed to support and is become a real thorn in the side of the Washington establishment.