SEMINOLE, TX
Mr. Janzen, 41, of Seminole, laughs every time he sees those “sheeple” wearing their silly masks all over the place. Janzen is a very brave man who trusts only in the Lord and refuses to give into the fear that is being sold to us by the “lamestream media.”
“Ha ha ha! What sheep! They just do whatever the government tells them to do! Oooh, so scared!” posted Janzen in a recent meme he created with plenty of typos. “I’m not afraid of anything!”
Janzen, however, was halfway down the driveway when he realized he forgot his gun at home this morning.
“Diewel! I almost entered the Safeway and bought some bananas without my Remington!” said Janzen. “Just imagine what could have happened!”
Janzen says he never goes out in public without his weapon of choice locked and loaded.
“Just look at those Granny Smith apples! Who knows what kind of microchip the government’s put in those things!” yelled Janzen. “The government’s always trying to take away our freedoms!”
When interviewed Janzen said he was just “expressing his rights”. He claimed that carrying a gun everywhere he goes and sleeping with one under his pillow at night had absolutely nothing to do with fear. He also tried to say he wasn’t actually “fearful” of the government just “concerned” and that there was a huge difference between the fear-mongering on CNN and the fear-mongering on the YouTube videos he watches.
A list of things Janzen was “absolutely not fearful” of includes: commies, the government taking away our freedoms, kneeling for the national anthem, protestors, taxes, immigrants, mail-in ballots, Bill Gates, George Soros, unions, and liberal Hollywood elites.
“I ain’t afraid of nothing,” said Janzen, although he never bothered to correct his double negative.