OTTAWA, ON
A federal judge has just ruled that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau brazenly violated the rights of several pizzas in 2022 by placing pineapple right there next to the ham.
“Given the circumstances, I might have done the same,” said Judge Martens. “But the law is very clear. You can’t put pineapple on pizza no matter how bad the other ingredients are. It doesn’t matter if it’s a gross ten dollar Little Caesars you’re trying to choke down by spicing things up a little, the use of pineapple is never justified.”
According to the Emergencies Act, pineapple can only be invoked when your fridge has no other ingredients, including cheese and pizza sauce, but the judge ruled that a plain margherita would have been sufficient to fight hunger pangs.
“The act was put into place nearly 30 years ago and had never been used before,” said Martens. “I hope that the government will learn its lesson and keep pineapples off our pizzas from now on.”
The Prime Minister’s office has already declared their intention to challenge the ruling.
“We should be able to toss on some pineapples whenever we feel like it,” said Trudeau. “After all there’s nothing more Canadian than Hawaiian Pizza.”
