WINKLER, MB
Newly-released modelling suggests a coming fourth wave of false analogies sometime this fall.
“If we don’t get things under control, we’re going to have a huge surge of folks comparing getting a needle to the Holocaust and residential schools,” said Dr. Thiessen of the University of Winkler. “I wouldn’t even be surprised if people compare having to wear a mask to slavery or apartheid. We’ve already seen the numbers climb with those particular viruses.”
Experts say a complete lack of historical knowledge coupled with a persecution complex can lead to a disastrous wave of poorly thought-out analogies.
“By fall the number of ludicrous memes will be through the roof,” said Dr. Thiessen. “Even mayors and members of parliament will be not be immune to making ridiculous analogies.”
Dr. Thiessen suggests the only thing that can stop this fourth wave of faulty logic is to fend off the false analogies with more fitting ones.
“There are plenty of existing government restrictions that are a much closer fit,” said Dr. Thiessen. “For example, you’ve gotta wear a seatbelt. You can’t drink and drive. You need a driver’s license to operate a motor vehicle. You’re not allowed to smoke in indoor public places. The list goes on..”
Angry folks immediately responded by saying Dr. Thiessen is literally exactly in every sense the same as Joseph Stalin and that The Daily Bonnet is literally exactly the equivalent of Pravda (except they had to look that up first to get the reference).
