BLUMENGART, SK
Fresh off the success of their Hillsong documentary, the Discovery Channel is now pointing its lens at the tiny Blumengart EMBCCMCBB church in rural Saskatchewan.
“We spent six months there with hidden cameras but all we uncovered was Mrs. Penner trying to sneak a few blueberries in her saskatoon pie,” said a disappointed producer Sally Rempel. “And sadly the closest thing we got to a sex scandal was the Loeppky Sisters overly vigurous performance of “I’ve Got Confidence” one evening during church champ.”
The Blumengart EMBCCMCBB church is known for attracting celebrities such as Kjnels Barkman of Schanzenfeld, world famous for his ability to spit a watermelon seed more than 10 yards on a windy day.
“Kjnels is rather camera shy,” explained Rempel, “but we did manage to get a few shots of him and his fiancé Tina as they pulled up onto the church lot in their F-150.”
The documentary crew also uncovered the lead pastor’s salary, which was a shocking $31,000 a year plus a $65 book allowance.
“I’m not sure how that man can sleep at night,” said Rempel. “With a paycheque like that, I bet he buys his jeans at Mark’s Work Wearhouse in the city.”
The cameras were also rolling during a near accident during a rousing game of horseshoes at the church picnic.
“At first they’re quite reserved, but miss a ringer a at crucial moment and even Mr. Klassen will mutter ‘diewel‘ or ‘donna‘ under his breath. Of course, we bleep that out for television,” explained Rempel. “I really hope people enjoy our work. If you watch all the way to the end, we even expose the true contents of farmer sausage. Trust me, you’re really going to want to tune in for that.”