STEINBACH, MB
Ever since the snow melted this spring, mobility scooters have been out in full force in Steinbach, as gangs of wily Mennonite seniors take over the city.
“We were too badass for the Hell’s Angels,” said local mobility scooter enthusiast Bart Unger, 78. “So we just had to start our own gang called the Evil Mennonite Bastards.”
The EMBs, as they’re known in coffee shops around town, can be seen at any intersection in Steinbach between 10 am and 4 pm, after which they all go home and hit the hay.
“They’re everywhere,” said local mom Sasha Loewen. “I really don’t like to let my kids leave the house anymore because of all these scary senior’s biker gangs.”
The local Tim Hortons has had to expand the parking lot to accommodate all the mobility scooters.
“Dozens of them go through the drive-thru,” said Tim Hortons manager Caroline Berg. “It’s kind of annoying, because you have to reach awkwardly out of the window and hand them their coffee way down there on their scooters…”
The EMBs, or at least those who are still alive, plan to attend the Sturgis rally this coming August.
(photo credit:Phasmatisnox /CC/modified)
