BELFAST, TN
In an effort to cash in on her newfound fame, viral Internet sensation Hailey Welch, better known as ‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ has started a brand new company specializing in roasted and lightly salted sunflower seeds.
“From now on you can call me ‘Knackzoat Girl,’” said Welch. “We’re going to put Spitz out of business.”
The new sunflower seeds will come in dill pickle, BBQ, and plain flavours, and each seed has been specially selected for accurate knacking.
“I’m going to be spitting my zoat on large piles near campfires throughout the summer,” said Welch. “With some effort and a little luck, I’m hoping my fame can last 15 maybe even 20 minutes.”
Spitz-brand sunflower seeds has not yet commented on the story, but insiders say they’re not really concerned.
“‘Hawk Tuah’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it,” said Mrs. Martens. “If you ask me, that’s a little excessive.”
Hawk Tuah Zoat will be available at southern Manitoba gas stations by the middle of August, just in time for the church slo-pitch league to begin.