BLUMENBACH, SK
Thanks to a complete accident of birth, Miss Annie B. Epp of Blumenbach was born to a High German speaking family. For some reason, Epp, a sad and delusional woman, believes that this linguistic accident was a “sign from above” of her superority to the Plautdietsch-speaking residents of the area.
“The pecking order among Mennonites goes High German, then English, then Plautdietsch, then all the other worldly languages,” said Epp. “That’s the way it is and always will be.”
Wrapping her entire self-worth in her linguistic identity, lonely friendless Miss Epp claimed that she was so much more sophisticated and superior to all the Low German speakers of Blumenbach.
“I mean, come on! If you say ‘kloakj‘ instead of ‘kirke‘ or ‘worscht‘ instead of ‘wurst‘ you just aren’t that with it,” said Epp, all alone in her Manor Home room. “It’s obvious isn’t it?”
Epp then said she just didn’t understand why the rest of the ladies at the Old Folks home didn’t invite her over for coffee and molasses cookies more often.
“I just can’t figure it out,” said Epp. “If I were them, I’d love to spend as much time with a High German speaker like me as possible.”