ALTONA, MB
After being warned to stay away from the sunflower plants, thousands of Winnipeg hipsters have descended upon corner stores and gas stations across southern Manitoba to have their pictures taken next to bags of knackzoat.
“The pile of shells in Mr. Penner’s backyard has also received quite the attention,” said local Spitz aficionado Kjnels Pankratz. “Every day the mountain grows and the visitors keep coming!”
Of particular interest to the Winnipeggers are the All Dressed and Salted variety of knackzoat, although, for some reason, residents of St. Boniface and St. Vital prefer to have their selfies taken with dill-flavoured knackzoat.
“They’re also enamoured with Mr. Penner’s ability to knack a mouthful of zoat without ever using his fingers,” said Pankratz. “That man’s amazing. His tongue usage is remarkable!”
Although many of these photographs ends up on sites like Facebook and Twitter, a growing number are appearing on a new social media app called Spitzagram.
“It’s basically just photos of old Mennonite men knacking zoat and drinking Papsi,” said Pankratz. “It’s amazing what these city people are interested in.”
Kjnels Pankratz plans to start charging 50 cents a selfie. Those without the financial means to pay the 50 cents can opt to clean Mr. Pankratz’s rubber boots.